Just When You Think Everything's Going Your Way...

Life throws you a curve ball...



Yesterday my husband got laid off due to budget cuts where we work. Seems like we were smooth sailing along, I was getting back into the groove of working out, we were excited about our future...and suddenly, without warning, we got this bomb shell dropped on us.



Sigh.

But, I'm trying to stay positive, you know, seeing the glass half full? And I have many reasons to be that way. Thank goodness we sold the house and I make enough money that I can cover all the bills under my paycheck alone. Also, Aaron should be able to qualify for unemployment no problem.



This could very well turn into a big oppurtonity for us. He isn't just going to look for jobs around here, but nationwide. I am also going to start looking (hope my HR doesn't read my blog). There are many places we'd be interested in living, and there are only so many times in your life you can change the state in which you live.

After all this happened yesterday I fell off the wagon for a little bit. I had 3 pieces of pepperoni pizza. "Boooo! Hssssss!" Then I went to the grocery store and got some vanilla ice cream. But, I am so thankful for this, Aaron looked at me and said, "Let's not use this as an excuse to be unhealthy, let's do the opposite."

So I still had the ice cream, but only one serving of it. And I mean the REAL 1 serving that is like 1/4 of a cup!

This morning I felt much better, though I didn't get up and do the elliptical, because let's face it people, Aaron and I both needed some hug time.

So, life is crazy. I'm trying not to feel so weirded out that I stop making progress. I'm excited at the prospect of changing up our lives! And wouldn't it be great if I could be a healthy, maybe even thin me when that happens?

Hope everyone is doing well.
Thanks for reading!

Weigh In Wednesday

Got up this morning and I almost forgot it was Weigh in Wednesday. I dutifully got the scale out and saw that I had lost two pounds of weight and gained two pounds of accomplishment. I won't lie and say I was excited about the number. If I would have given myself time to think about it, I would have thought that I should have lost more weight. But, I keep reminding myself it doesn't matter. 2 Pounds accomplished is awesome, and that will eventually add up to big numbers. So I'm happy. But more than anything I'm happy about what I did to get to those two pounds.

Here a random list of things I'm proud of:

Since last Wednesday I have covered 63 miles!
Almost 10 of those miles were running.
And it looks like next Wednesday the mileage will be even higher!
And even more of the miles will be from running.
I have been tracking my workouts.
I have been waking up in the morning and doing 30-60 minutes on the elliptical.
Then I get ready and ride my bike to work.
Then When I get home I run/walk 45 minutes.
I have gone from running 90 seconds to running two minutes and walking 60 seconds in between.
Yesterday I forgot my shoes at work, but I didn't let that stop me from running.
I borrowed a pair of Aaron's and headed out the door.
Yesterday I didn't feel tired so I ran for 5 minutes strait.
Then I took a short break and ran for 8 minutes strait.
I have been watching my calories and eating, and I have been writing it down for the last three days.
I have been bringing my lunch to work and cooking dinner at night.
I have actually done my sit-ups the last two days.
I feel better.
I like myself more.
My calves are starting to look toned again and the rolls on my stomach and back are not as prominent.
I'm starting to dream athletic dreams again.
I'm challenging myself.
I'm not backing down.

Those 2 pounds had a lot of stuff in them :) It is a good day!

Running; Causing Your Own Accomplishment

I think I might be a runner.

I know, I could hear your gasp of shock all the way down here in Houston, Texas. But, the last week or so I've been trying to run a little bit. I'm certainly not covering any great distances or going as fast as lightning. But I am getting out there and running.

I can't say that I enjoy it yet. It starts out painful. Yesterday it took 20 minutes for my right calf to stop cramping and then my left calf started up. But somewhere around 35 minutes they didn't hurt anymore and I was shocked to realize that the pain was gone. It didn't feel good, but it didn't hurt.

One of my main gripes about running is that there is no momentum. On a bike, you get moving and it feels good. There is always this forward momentum. But with running...well, you are constantly striving to create that momentum, and if you stop, even for a second, that momentum is out the window.

I read an article today called The Grossman Motivation Series, Part I: Dismiss Distractions.
The author said what I am trying to say but in a much better way;

Running is difficult mainly because, "You have to cause your run."

This rings so true to me. You have to cause everything, not just putting on your shoes and getting out the door...but every step you have to cause it.


But for some reason, instead of swaying me, realizing that little fact makes me want to get out there and push myself, to cause that run to happen. Because when I do there is such pride in me. I feel more accomplished going for a 2 mile run than I do a 25 mile bike ride. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the cycling more. There is just something about pushing yourself, and the only person you have to compete with out there is yourself.

I still don't like running.

It is going to be really hard for me to make myself get out the door this evening.

But I am really starting to suspect that, if I stick with this, I might become a runner.

Weekend Recap and Updates

Well, I really wanted to post this weekend. It is funny how often I think about this blog and what I want to write on it. I have never been one of those people that can keep a journal, even though I've always wanted to. But, there is just something about this blog that is therapeutic and doable.

So, I can't believe it, but I'm doing good. This weekend was full of fun adventures!

Adventure #1

I ran/walked the Kemah Bridge! I ran 90 seconds, walked 60 seconds, and I did that 25 times which equals a total of 62.5 minutes of exercise! I crossed the bridge 4 times total. The total distance was 3.8 miles.

Here is a nice menacing picture of it.

And get this! It was a BLAST! It was beautiful too! I got to see the sunrise and there were pelicans flying all over the place and there were lots of people there running and biking. I kept thinking, "Man these people are CRAZY! But that must mean I'm crazy because I'm here too." And that made me feel like a bad ass :)

Yes, I felt very accomplished and I will definitely be back for more.

Adventure #2

Sunday morning Helen and I rode out to a farmer's market called Froberg's. Was a 26.2 mile ride all together. I bought; grapes, an apple, an small sugar-free apricot pie, granola, trail mix, and some blackberry preserves (which I made a peanut butter & jelly sandwich with today for lunch. Can't wait to try it). It was really beautiful out there. Next weekend we are going to up the mileage a bit and ride out to Twin Lakes, which is a scuba training lake where you can also do open water swimming. I'm very excited! It feels great to spend time outside!


Adventure #3

Last, but not least, Friday Aaron texted me and said, "Are you going to get me a present?" I know this sounds random, but it is just how we operate. So, I'm trying to think of some fun and small gift, and it just so happened I was at Academy. We have been talking about trying Tennis for a while, so I got a couple of rackets and tennis balls. Let's just say he was pretty surprised :) Well, Sunday afternoon we tried them out. There is a tennis court right by our apartment and we spend about 30 minutes trying to hit the ball back and forth. He had played tennis when he was younger, but I have literally never held a racket. Still, it was lots of fun and definitely a good workout! What is even better is Aaron said he'd like to try and do that in the evenings on the weekdays! I am so excited to do something outside and active with him!

Hot 100 Update

Going the distance from Houston, Texas to New Orleans, LA - Doing okay. My mileage is inching along, and I really like that part of my challenge. Almost to the town of Vintan, LA on a map. I'm pretty sure I'll be to Lake Charles by Friday!

Getting into a size 14 - I am feeling thinner. My pants don't seem to be as tight as they were a couple of weeks ago.

Situps - OMG, I am TERRIBLE! I keep thinking I'll do to them and I haven't done a single one!! That's it, tonight I WILL do them. Every day this week. I just need to get started then I know I'll do it every day.

Freaky Friday

This week's theme song?

"Sometimes you feel like a nut!"

That was me this week. Completely and totally nutty. And not in a good way. Let's just say it was that time AND there was a full moon out. I mean seriously, I felt like I was turning to a Werewolf. An emotional, distraught PMS werewolf.


But I woke up this morning, and resisting the urge to crawl back into bed, I downed a granola bar, grabbed my mp3 player and a book, and then I jumped on the Elliptical for an hour.

IT WAS AWESOME.

Awesome Workout - Elliptical, 1 Hour, Hills Setting.
Awesome Music - PowerGlove, Retro Video Game Music Hair Metal Style.
Awesome Book - Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

So yeh, I have to talk about this book. This book is changing something in me. It is changing that I detest even the thought of running. I didn't think reading could ever do this, but this book IS!

Here's the description from Amazon:
"Full of incredible characters, amazing athletic achievements, cutting-edge science, and, most of all, pure inspiration, Born to Run is an epic adventure that began with one simple question: Why does my foot hurt? In search of an answer, Christopher McDougall sets off to find a tribe of the world’s greatest distance runners and learn their secrets, and in the process shows us that everything we thought we knew about running is wrong.

Isolated by the most savage terrain in North America, the reclusive Tarahumara Indians of Mexico’s deadly Copper Canyons are custodians of a lost art. For centuries they have practiced techniques that allow them to run hundreds of miles without rest and chase down anything from a deer to an Olympic marathoner while enjoying every mile of it. Their superhuman talent is matched by uncanny health and serenity, leaving the Tarahumara immune to the diseases and strife that plague modern existence. With the help of Caballo Blanco, a mysterious loner who lives among the tribe, the author was able not only to uncover the secrets of the Tarahumara but also to find his own inner ultra-athlete, as he trained for the challenge of a lifetime: a fifty-mile race through the heart of Tarahumara country pitting the tribe against an odd band of Americans, including a star ultramarathoner, a beautiful young surfer, and a barefoot wonder.

With a sharp wit and wild exuberance, McDougall takes us from the high-tech science labs at Harvard to the sun-baked valleys and freezing peaks across North America, where ever-growing numbers of ultrarunners are pushing their bodies to the limit, and, finally, to the climactic race in the Copper Canyons. Born to Run is that rare book that will not only engage your mind but inspire your body when you realize that the secret to happiness is right at your feet, and that you, indeed all of us, were born to run."

I am not finished with this book, but I'm sure I will be by the end of this weekend. And so far it is one of the best books I have every read. Quickly becoming one of my favorites. It talks about the joy of the human spirit and that is what running IS. Have you ever been so happy getting out of work that you literally want to SPRINT to your car? I have, and I thought I was insane. But turns out, that is just happiness at its most basic form. After 60 minutes on the elliptical I was so pumped that I started racing the clock...really trying to get to 600 calories burned before it ran out. I got to 598 and I was laughing so hard. That poor elliptical just wasn't ready for me.

Okay, I'm planning on doing a full review of this book when I'm finished, but for now I'll just leave you with a really cool quote;

"Beyond the extreme of fatigue and distress, we may find amounts of ease and power we never dreamed ourselves to own; sources of strength never taxed at all because we never push through the obstruction." - William James

I hope you have an awesome day! Thanks for reading :)

Ten Things Thursday

1. I registered for the 2011 BP MS150 yesterday! Yay, so freaking excited! I'm also on the Saint Arnold Brewery Team this year! I feel like such a badace.

2. Right now I'm reading Born to Run by Christopher McDougall and I'm really enjoying it. It is making me want to run. Crazy, I know!

3. Lately I've been using the website DailyMile to record exercise. I really enjoy it. Similar to Facebook in the commenting system. If you are on there please add me as a friend :)

4. This last week I saw the movie HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON and loved it! Like, loved it so much I was exclaiming aloud about, "Oh no! I hope the Dragon is ok!" Definitely a MUST see!

5. I am loving our apartment. Who knew that life really would be better after moving out of the house. It is time that society face not everyone needs to live in or own a house now. Life can be good without it.

6. My favorite snack this week has been strawberry greek yogurt mixed with Bear Naked Granola. Yum!

7. I don't feel like doing any work today. Luckily I am leaving early for a doctor's appointment, and I don't plan on coming back ;) I am planning on going for a walk/run instead.

8. I miss my friend Candice, and I'm about to Instant Message her to see if I can trick her into going to lunch with me sometime soon.

9. I already have two exercise things planned this weekend with my friend Helen. #1, on Saturday we are going to run the Kemah Bridge a few times (well, she is going to run, I'm going to run/walk), and #2, Sunday, we are going to ride our bikes out to a farmer's market and back. Hoping to log between 35-40 miles.

10. I FINALLY got an mp3 player last night. Loaded it up with music, so I'm really excited to get my run on with it :)

Weigh In Wednesdays?

So last night I found myself watching The Biggest Loser again. Funny how that always works out. I really don't mean to watch it so often, but last night I wasn't feeling good so I took the night off and laid in bed with a bowl of cheese puffs and a mountain dew. (How's that for honesty? lol)

As always, watching The Biggest Loser made me start thinking about weight loss and health, and ways to lose weight, and the psychology of it all. Two things really stuck out in my head above everything else I thought about.

1. I still really want to lose weight. 2. I don't want to define my worth by how much weight I lose.

I still really want to lose weight, that is all there is to it. I know it isn't going to be fast. I don't really want it to be. I just want to get there eventually. Maybe by 2012 maybe by 2013. Just eventually I'd like to see myself below 160. You see, I'm really trying not to set these super awesome goals that make a bad day seem like a huge failure. I would just like to gradually snake my way down there.

Things that help me remember not to freak out about my weight are that I'm already married with a husband that loves me. I don't have to attract anyone else. Would it be nice to have a guy take a second glance? Hell yeh! But it isn't necessary. Sometimes, and this makes me feel like a bit of a bad wife, that is my PRIMARY reason for wanting to lose weight. I want men to be attracted to me. I guess it is one of those basic animalistic desires...to be wanted. Anyway, getting over this will actually help a lot.

Also, as I've addressed before, I need to stop constantly seeking people's approval and thinking their affirmation will make me happy or more valuable. I won't go on and on about that, because I've addressed it before.

I don't want to define my worth by how much weight I lose. Sorry, I've gotta dog on The Biggest Loser a bit here. I just get so tired of the emphasis they put on LOSING the weight. Last night when they were doing the weigh in almost all of the people were in tears over losing five pounds or even nine pounds saying things like, "I hope this is a big enough number to make me valuable to my team."

Well doesn't that just say it all? That is how I feel a lot of the time. I know I'm not on any team and I know no friend is going to disown me because I haven't lost the weight I have set out to lose. But I certainly feel like I base much of my value on how much I've lost.

Confession time:

I originally lost 80 pounds. Now I've gained some back. Now I've only lost 45 pounds.

That is SO hard to say. I am even now thinking subconsciously, "I hope people skip this post. I hope they don't read it so they don't see that." I placed so much value on the fact that I'd lost 80 pounds! It felt sooo good. How can I renig? How can I go back? People won't look at me the same way!

Oh it is so stupid, and I KNOW that. But it is an emotion I have to look in the face and deal with if I ever want to change it.

Goals are never ending. We cannot expect that reaching a goal will make us any happier than we are when we are trying to reach it. Because once you reach a goal you have a whole other set of goals. Think about it? When will you be done? After you buy a car? No, because then you want a house with a garage to store it in. After the house? No, because then you want to upgrade the appliances? After you upgrade? No, because then you want to have kids. After kids? No, because then you want to raise them right and put them through college...

And the list goes on.

Goals aren't a bad thing. But I think we, as a society, really need to get our story strait. It isn't about the end result, it is about the journey. I usually HATE when people say that. I hate it because often times it comes from a person who has no direction in life and is just looking for an excuse to be lazy, haha. But you can have goals and still enjoy the journey. I guess what I'm getting at is you don't set goals for the end result, you set them, from the beginning, because you want to experience that journey.

Let me repeat that again, because it just really sunk in for me:

You don't set goals for the end result, you set them, from the beginning, because you want to experience that journey.

I want to experience the journey of weight loss and getting healthy.

So let's address something else....when do you ever associated experiences, journeys, positive things with losing something. Yep, pretty much NEVER. You GAIN something when you on on a journey or have a positive experience. We are constantly saying we are on a Weight Loss Journey. If you really think about it, it is such a contradictory way of saying what I'm after.

What am I REALLY after? We should say things like;

A Health Crusade, a Life Journey, an Exercise Immersion, an Athletic Adventure, an Experience Extravaganza!

NOW we're talking! THOSE terms get me pumped. Screw this weight loss journey bull crap!!

Okay, I know I've gone on an on, so let me return to my Title and original points.

I weighed in today.

Did I just hear a crowd in the distance booing? Honestly, that is what I heard in my head.

Guess what the scale said?

ZERO

Well that is what it said after I calculated a simple equation in my head:

What I Weighed Today - What I Weighed Today = ZERO

I know you might be thinking I'm crazy, but trust me on this. You must not have read the instructions on your scale correctly if you are getting a number like 250. That is so wrong. Because this is what you are supposed to do.

You take the number of your original weigh in. Every time you weigh in you SUBTRACT the new weigh in number. Today I got ZERO because it was my first weigh in, but next we it might be 1, 2, 3.

These numbers are a lot less scary then seeing 229 or 331.

And they are positives. Not negatives, like "I lost 5 pounds"...No I want to gain five pounds of experiences!

I have decided to go on a journey to 20. Just like I am journeying from Houston to New Orleans on my ticker over to the right which I am loving. Even if some days I only add a mile, it is neat to see me GOING somewhere! I am going to journey from ZERO (today's number) to 20. There will be another goal after that. There always is. But right now I just want to get to 20.

This number will not define me.
I don't really care when I get to it.
Might not be until this time next year.
But I'm going on a journey to 20.
20 great experiences!
20 Life lessons!
20 GAINS!

Okay, you probably think I'm crazy now. But thanks for reading :)

Thankful Tuesday

I hope Kym from http://runkymklass.blogspot.com/ doesn't mind that I stole her idea for thankful tuesday :)

I'm thankful for...

Aaron.
His hugs, especially the ones I don't expect.
When he says nice things like, "I'm so happy I get to be with you."
When he kisses me softly.
When he kisses me passionately.
When he smiles at me.
When he laughs at something I say.
When he touches my cheeks.

My dogs, Rex & Reeses.
When Rex wiggles at me and his eyes get all big.
When Reeses jumps on me and wags her tail.
When Rex curls up next to me when I'm reading a book.
When Reeses randomly decides to jump on my lap.
When they both make a little kid happy when they get to pet them.

My Job.
When I get paid :)
When everyone is out for the day.
When I get to use the computer to read blogs!

My friends.
When they make me laugh.
When they encourage me.
When they share silly things that make them happy with me.

Cycling.
When the cool breeze wipes the sweat away.
On a down hill, that isn't too steep.
When I push even if I keep thinking I can't do it.

Running.
When it suddenly doesn't hurt.

Swimming.
When the water smells like summertime in junior high school.
When I get so hungry after wards and eat a sandwich & chips.

My Family.
When we reminisce.
When they support me.
When we laugh.

I forget just how many things I'm thankful for sometimes.

Thanks for reading :)

Share the F#&*@!* Road!

What would you think if you pulled up to a school bus, the lights are flashing, the traffic stops..and then the kids are safely able to walk across the street.

Now imagine one driver gets pissed, starts honking at the kids, yelling at them, even drives by and swerves at them!!

What would you think?

A-hole right?!

I agree. But let's face it. School bus stops are inconveniencing. I certainly sit there slightly annoyed, sometimes I tap my fingers impatiently. But, in the end, I realize we all have to help each other out, keep each other safe, and the slight inconvenience I experience when waiting on those kids is not that important.

I'm not really writing about school bus stops. I really want to talk about the need for motorists to safely and considerately share the road with cyclists (just like they share it with school buses and other vehicles).

I have been commuting to work on my bike for the last week. I know that I have not encountered everything possible, but I have seen enough to feel like I am justified in writing a post about. On average I get honked at twice a day, I get swerved at once, and today I got yelled at for the first time by some guy who took the time to roll down his window and say "Hey stupid!"

The point is...

I know I might be a slight inconvenience when you have to slow down to 15mph.
I know you wish I would hug the curb so you could pass in the same lane as me.
I know you'd like to honk to say "Hey, you! I'm a car and you're not!"

But, I'm just trying to ride safely. I'm just trying to be healthy. And I have a right to be on the road because a bicycle is a vehicle too.

So please stop honking!! Please stop swerving! And if you are going to shout something at me, please come up with something more witty than "Hey Stupid!"

Instead of getting angry, why don't you smile, slow down, and give me a thumbs up. Because I'm huffing and puffing, trying to get out of your way. And it would be nice to actually get encouraged for once.

Thanks for reading and please, SHARE THE ROAD :)

(I'd like to note, that I always try to abide by the laws when I cycle and be courteous. I know that some cyclists out there do not. Please don't judge all of the rest of us by their actions.)

Hot 100 Update, Clipless Peddles, and $$$

Well, this week is almost over, like it will be in a matter of hours, and I still haven't done my Hot 100 Update. Sigh, guess I should fess up to a couple of things.

I have not done any situps.

:(

I also had to stop my 21 day challenge. Even though this wasn't a part of my Hot 100 goals, it is still a bummer. It got too expensive, and I ran out of money. Good thing is? I went to wal-mart this morning and got breakfast/lunch/dinner for this WHOLE week! And it is all pretty darn healthy :) I'm pretty excited.

One good thing that I HAVE been doing for the Hot 100 Update...My mileage!! Thus far I have traveled 72.7 miles since we started the Hot 100 Challenge! That leaves me 276.3 miles to go from Houston to New Orleans. Basically I'm between Winnie, Texas and Beaumont, LA. At this pace I might need to lengthen my goal a bit, but we'll see.

So, even though a couple of things have gone wrong, I'm feeling pretty good over all.

Today I did 33.2 of those 72.7 miles on my road bike with my new clipless peddles!! In case you don't know what clipless peddles are...well, it is kind of confusing to me, because to me they DO clip, they aren't clipless! They are peddles that allow you to clip in these special kind of shoes into. This helps with a lot of stuff, especially getting a good spin on and being able to work the whole rotation of the peddle. Not just the down stroke. With clipless peddles you can pull up too, so yeh, a lot more potential for speed.

Problem w/these peddles is when you want to stop....well, you have to unclip them by twisting your foot. This takes, well, a little getting used to. And of course, you are eventually going to fall. The sucky thing is you don't fall when you are going fast, or doing something cool. You fall when you are stopping or trying to start. And OF COURSE, I had my first fall...at a VERY BUSY intersection! With a car stopped right behind me. Lol, it was very embarrassing, as my friend Helen will tell you who was there with me. But, I got that over with. And hopefully I won't have to repeat it...although I do have a really cool scrape on my knee that makes me look like a real ruffian.

So yeh, was a g

reat ride. Evan did two pretty big bridges! I was really proud of myself.

Now, the $$$ in the title of this blog in fact means money. Aaron and I sold our house, and we moved into an apartment. Not because we couldn't afford a house, but because we just wanted to have more spending $$$. And I have to tell you, this is AWESOME! And what is REALLY weird...is I am gradually losing the urge (at least so far) to overeat. I have been ordering the healthier more expensive things at restaurants, I bought expensive healthy groceries, I bought expensive workout clothes and clipless peddles! ((I do feel I should clarify that it wasn't until this last Friday that the $$$ started to roll in. The 21 Day challenge had been put on hold before that.)) Anyway, point is, I think one of the #1 reason I am obese is because I grew up poor. I'm not trying to make excuses. I could make the decision to eat less, but it is more difficult. But this weekend I turned down PANDA EXPRESS (OMG)...because, meh, I can get that any time. I have $$$. I'll go home and eat.

Yeh, like, crazy right? :)

Thanks for reading!

MS150 - 182 Days & Counting

It's almost that time again! Time for the BP MS150!! I'm very excited because this year I'm going to:

• Start Training Earlier (This Sunday in fact)
  
• Train More!
• Do as many of the recommended training rides as possible because I actually have $$$ to do them!
• Get clipless peddles...getting these tomorrow, yikes!
• Be on the St. Arnold's Brewery Team! Which I signed up for today!!!
• Meet my husband at the finish line! He didn't get to make it last year, but this year I already got a hotel so we can party it up that night!
• I'm going to LOOOONG route this year! Oh yeh baby! That's 99.56 miles the first day and 74.1 miles the second day! Totally: 173.66 miles!! (okay getting a little less excited after typing that, lol)
  

So yeh, I'm really excited!!! If you are in Texas you should totally do it toooooo!! (Hint, hint Melting Candy.)

More to come!

Recap of the 2010 BP MS 150

To Expose or Not to Expose?

Have you heard of the Exposed movement? It is where you take a picture of yourself in underwear or other revealing clothing, and you basically tag your body up with positive things. I've seen a lot of people posting these pictures up on their blogs lately. I think it is awesome, very cool, and very empowering. So, of course, I want to do it.

But there is a problem.

You are probably thinking the problem is embarrassment. It isn't that I'm embarrassed to bare it all on the internet, even though I am in many ways. I can overcome that.

The problem is; I was thinking of this picture and I was trying to think of what I could say about all these body parts, good things to say...and other than my thighs...I can't think of a single thing.

That is the problem. Not my body, but my perspective of my body. I should be able to think of good things about the parts of me. But I can't, I simply can't.

But I'm going to change that. I want to learn to love my body, mainly these parts:

My thighs
My hips
My stomach
My arms
My shoulders

And I make this promise to my blog and my readers.
On 1/1/2011 I will expose myself to the world,
and by that date I will think of reasons to love the above parts of me,
and more!

Are you ready to expose yourself?

If not..maybe you should start thinking about why.

What is Best in Life?

What is best in life?

Well, to me;

To feel the cool breeze in your face when riding a bike. Hugs in a freshly made bed, either with Aaron or my boxer :) And delicious food that comes without guilt.

I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about weight loss. I'm tired of feeling stressed about it. My #1 goal is to enjoy life. And I just can't when I constantly feel guilty. What drives me in this desire to be skinny? Why am I obsessed with it? So much that if I fail at a diet and then I binge?

What is best in life?

Training, I like training. I like riding my bike, I like swimming, and I actually enjoy run/walking. I really do enjoy these things.

Food, I enjoy food. I enjoy healthy food more than anything. I enjoy sodas with real sugar. I like fruit and vegetables.

I like feeling healthy and feeling good about myself.

I didn't lose much weight this year. That is the simple fact of the matter. But for the first 6 months of the year I felt GREAT about myself! I felt pretty, athletic, healthy, sexy even! When did I lose sight of that I can feel that way without being skinny???

I'm not saying that I don't want to lose weight. I do. But my main motivation behind wanting to lose weight is WRONG. I want ATTENTION. This is a reoccurring theme isn't it? I am always seeking affirmation and other people's approval. Oh man, it feels SOOO good when people compliment me about losing weight. I crave it. But if no one says anything, then I give up. Or if someone else is losing more weight than I am, and they get the compliments...man, I get SO jealous. I get so jealous that I give up and binge.

Basically, this is a chart of my motivations for losing weight:

I don't want to be that person. I don't want to lose weight to get attention. I want to be the person that loses weight because they are living a lifestyle where the weight goes away on its own. A lifestyle where I'm training and not stressing and sleeping. And not binging, since I'm not constantly forcing myself to adhere to a diet and failing. And eating healthy just because that food makes me happy and makes me feel good.

I am putting on the brakes.
I can't do this anymore.
I have to stop dieting.
I have to stop trying to lose weight.

I feel like this is really against the flow of most people's mindsets. And I'm not saying those people are wrong. It works for a lot of people. But I am beginning to realize that I am a very selfish and conceited person. It is not the person I want to be in life.

So, after that loooong winded thought process I'll conclude like this.

If you are reading this, tell me, What is Best in Life?

Assert Yourself and Day 2 Recap

The Biggest Loser and I have a love/hate relationship. I ended up watching it last night, and got thoroughly annoyed by Jillian being so pissed at the girls for coming in last on weigh ins. Why don't they ever address the facts about the difference between men and women's weight loss? Why don't they display the height of the contestants or explain BMI? Or that muscle weighs more than fat, or that the first week the contestants probably lose a lot of water weight...sigh, it gets a little irritating. Because, while it is inspiring in many ways, it could also be discouraging to someone who is trying to lose weight outside of the show.

Well, there was one thing I did like about the show last night. And that was the message of, "If you want it, ask for it." Basically, assert yourself! So many people don't want to cause problems, they don't want to cause controversy, so much so that they become living breathing door mats! There is a time and a place to put others needs before yours, but there is also a time and a place to put your needs before others.

On the Biggest Loser last night there was this guy named Aaron, and he didn't do so good on the weigh in. He seemed like a very chill easy going guy, but he also appeared to be uninspired. He ended up being in the bottom half of the contestants and would have to do one last challenge, and would potentially be going home. Unless, he could convince this one guy that he deserved immunity. Aaron waited and waited, and didn't talk to the Immunity Guy. All the other contestants were crying and telling Immunity Guy why they deserved to stay on the show. Then they showed a clip of a workout where the trainer Bob was screaming at them, "If you want something, just reach out and take it!" (Or something along those lines.)

That is when the light bulb went off in Aaron's head. After the workout he went and talked to Immunity Guy about how he really did want to stay on the show. And guess who got immunity? That's right, Aaron. So, yay! Let's all shed a few happy tears, and then think about what you and I can learn from this story.

We are not always going to get 'Immunity'. Sometimes life doesn't work out. But you should still reach out and take what you want/need/deserve. Sometimes this is just something you do. Like me going buying that food for the 21 Day Challenge, or if I really want some new bike gear, if I just take the plunge and spend the money. Sometimes I feel like I have to justify these purchases, especially in my relationship with Aaron. But what I need to realize is that it is okay to have give AND take. He doesn't mind, he wants me to have the things I desire and need. Why do I always feel like I have to give, give, give? And don't think for one second that I'm sitting here saying that I am selfless. I am nothing of the sort. I am selfish, because the reason I give, give, give? I want to be a martyr. I want people to praise me and think I'm selfless. It is a dark truth about myself, and I am a bit ashamed of it. But, all I can do is learn from this.

Then there's the asking part of being assertive. Sometimes you have to ask or tell someone what you want. This is hard for me because I fear conflict, again probably because I want to impress everyone with my wonderful 'glue' skills (meaning, the way I am commonly referred to as the 'glue' in relationships.) I'm sick of this too. I WANT things, so I'm going to ASK for them. I know me better than anyone else, so why do I feel I need to wait for something to figure out what I want/need/deserve? That is the most ineffective way to get anything! So ask for things and tell people what you want! I am really digging this 21 day challenge. The food is pretty good and it is so simple. Plus a nutritionist from Fit Foods emails me every day with encouragement and to see how I'm doing. They have also been asking for my weight every day...At first I was like, "Okay, didn't know I was supposed to report that EVERY day." I've had problems with focusing on my weight before and becoming obsessed with the numbers. I don't want to do that anymore. So I realized their was a simple solution. I am going to ASK if it is okay if I only weigh in once, maybe twice, a week. I am going to TELL the nutritionist (who is super nice btw) that I have a problem with getting fixated on numbers and it sometimes derails me if they aren't looking as good as they should. And finally, this is the part that takes real balls on my part, I am going to suggest that they make this an option in the future, especially for their clients who have my kind of history with obesity.

All of these concepts seem so simple once I write them down, but they are a real struggle for me. So, if anyone reads this :) I CHALLENGE YOU! ASSERT YOURSELF!

Now for my 21 Day Challenge Recap for Tuesday. It went pretty good. I did have my 1 cheat meal for lunch because I promised my bro-n-law we'd go out to eat. I kept it light though w/chicken, rice, and soup. Other that that, the meal plan was as follows:

Breakfast - Good Morning Breakfast (ground turkey, cheese, rice, etc.)


Snack - Chicken & Fruit Bowl
(sorry for got to take a picture)

Snack - 3 Chocolate Almond Patties


Dinner - Ninja Tenderloin. (Tenderloin and spinach)


I aboslutely loved everything on the menu, except the 2 Chocolate Almond Patties. You can imagine the excitement when I saw Chocolate Almond Patties on the menu for yesterday! But they turned out to be rather bland brownie kind of things. No biggie, I just expected something different. I guess I should have known chocolate and diet don't go well together.

The really bad news? I didn't exercise yesterday and I don't think I will be able to today. I'm not trying to make excuses, but we are moving this Thursday so I have been swamped. I plan on making up for yesterday and today by exercising this weekend. Oh well, can't dwell on what can't be helped. I'll just have to follow my meal plan to a T :)

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Day 1 of 21 Day Challenge & Hot 100 Challenge Updates

You know those posts about commitment? Well, I'm glad I wrote them, because they are all that got me out of bed yesterday morning. My alarm when off at 4 and I was lying in bed thinking how oh so comfy I was, but then I thought of those posts and new I had to get up!

So I did, and it was totally worth it! I got up and stated my 21 Day My Fit Foods Challenge. Sunday Aaron and I went to get the food. It was so exciting! :) Yes, I'm a dork, excited about pre-packed foods. Well, this morning it was super convenient to grab what was on the schedule to eat for today.

Breakfast - Oatmeal

Snack - Fruit & Yogurt
Lunch - 2 Chicken Tacos
Snack - 1 Chicken Taco
Dinner - Chicken Fajitas



So how was it?
The oatmeal was pretty bland, but I expected it to be. It did fill me up like crazy.
The Fruit and yogurt was delicious! All of the fruit was so fresh! And dipping it in the yogurt made it like desert :)
The Chicken Tacos were really good too. They come in a pack of 3, 2 for lunch and 1 for a snack. I wanted to eat all of them. But, I'm glad I restrained myself.
The Chicken Fajitas were so good! There were 3 strips of chicken, 2 tortillas, and a ton of vegetables that were so fresh! There were even carrots! Who would have known those would be so freaking good in fajitas?

The Liver Cleanse

Another thing I have to do is the Liver Cleanse (12 oz of water, 6oz of pure cranberry juice, 1 TBSP of Vinegar). Oh it is so bitter, and it does smell like Easter eggs. But whatever, it isn't so disgusting that I want to throw up.

Exercise
I also got a good workout in. Did about 30 minutes of strength training, then 30 minutes of cardio (elliptical/treadmill). It felt really awesome.

Last night I did start to feel kind of sick. I don't know if this is because I'm detoxing or what, but I started running fever. I took ibuprofen and went to bed. Unfortunately, I think it relaxed me too much and I did allow myself to sleep in this morning. I need the rest though, because I really can't afford to get sick. I did bring up my workout clothes, and I plan on spending an hour outside run/walking after work, which will be very nice considering this weather! :)

Hot 100 Update

1. Able to do 40 Situps in 1 Minute - Yesterday I did 12 sit ups. I'm going to do 12-15 sit ups every day this week. So, I'm on my way :)

2. Fit into a size 14 pants - Working on that per the exercise and the 21 day challenge. Right now I'm fitting well into a size 16.

3. From Houston to New Orleans (Walk/Bike/Run the mileage) - So far I've covered 7.8 miles out of 349. I know that these miles will really start to tick away when I start biking to work next week. I'll be covering 14 miles a day in biking alone, so I'm not too worried that I haven't covered that much ground yet. But hey, every mile counts! :)

Mad Music Monday

I'm always so jealous of those cute little blogs that have their themed days. So, I've decided to make today MAD MUSIC MONDAY! And don't worry, I'm not really mad, I just like alliteration a lot.

So today, I'm going to share five songs that I'm liking today :)

1. Timbaland - The Way I Are ft. Keri Hilson, D.O.E., Sebastian

2. Orphaned Land - Of Temptation Born

3. "LIKE A G6" (OFFICIAL) FAR EAST MOVEMENT (FM) feat The Cataracs & Dev

4. Obsession - Animotion

5. Marilyn Horne - Una voce poco fa

Hope you enjoy them :) As you can see, I like a diverse set of music.

PS - I am starting the 21 day challenge today and so far so good. I'll be posting an update tonight from home with pics of the food/etc. So please check back!

Commitment Part 2 - My Commitments

It has been a long time, long time for me at least, since I've devoted a post to weight loss. I don't count the Hot 100 Challenge since I tried to stay away from numbers on the scale and such. I like it, I plan to keep it that way, it makes me happier to share OTHER aspects of my life other than my obsession with weight loss. But today, I'm returning to the subject...hopefully with a new approach, resolve, and commitment (hence the title).

Yay, it is October 1st. Start to a new month and that always makes me happy, new beginnings. I have a lot of new beginnings coming up, and I have been contemplating my level of commitment to these things (if that wasn't obvious from my post yesterday.) Today I'd like to go a little more in depth.

The first thing I guess I should understand is what exactly I'm committing to at this point in my life. I have long term goals, but I want to focus on my immediate goals that effect this next month of October. So here they are in a nut shell:

1. Hot 100 Challenge
2. My Fit Foods 21 Day Challenge
   
3. Work Out 5 Days Per Week
4. Bike to Work (Starting 10/12/2010)

That's it! Simple right? Yeh, not so much. When I start thinking about the details my stomach gets twisted into knots. I mean, with each goal there are usually all these little min-goals that help you to accomplish the big goals, so that means 4 goals can be transformed into 20+ mini-goals, and then, and then, and then...

Sheesh! Makes me feel like eating a big tub of ice cream! But I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to do something to help me understand my goals, the mini-goals that come along with it, and how they all relate to one another. (This one's for you Candy...) I'm going to make a flow chart! Yay! Flow chart time :)

(Click to make it bigger)

You see! Doesn't that make life easier? Does for me. Makes me feel more organized and sane. I mean, I knew all these things that I wanted to do before I wrote them down, but now I don't have to second guess myself.

You can see the biggest bubble, and the one they all point to, is the Hot 100 Challenge which we all know about from a previous post.

The next biggest bubble is the 21 Day Challenge I'm starting this coming Monday. This is almost as big as the Hot 100 Challenge because, well, let's be honest; It is EXPENSIVE!

My Fit Foods is this place that makes food that they package, good for four days, and totally organic/healthy/and balanced. I have decided to commit to their 21 day challenge, where you commit to eat 3 meals and 2 snacks a day from them. No caffeine, no alcohol, but you do get to do this yummy (aka-yucky) liver cleanse thing every morning. Sounds great right? I mean, it isn't even gimmicky. It just takes the guess work out of cooking, and I really don't like cooking or worrying about what I'm going to eat. I mean, most of my problem with health/weight loss is food. It isn't even the control factor. It is just that I'm LAZY when it comes to food. (gasp, I know, I admitted it) I don't prepare, I don't really like preparing, and so I find myself driving through somewhere or giving into the temptation. My theory is if I already have all of my food I won't even be faced with that temptation. So, I'm willing to spend about $500 (that's right, OMG, I feel so freaking selfish doing this) on this super healthy food. Originally I thought "NO WAY!" But then I started breaking it down. No trips to the grocery store, nothing. This is my entire food cost for almost the whole month. I don't even have to do dishes.

I will admit one reason it is kind of expensive is that when you commit to the 21 day challenge a nutritionist makes out your food plan. Now, if it were me I would be eating the cheapest thing on the menu (oatmeal) every morning of the week. But, he has made me out a nice diverse meal plan. I mean really, it looks pretty tasty. After the challenge, if it is successful and I want to keep up purchasing things from them, I will try to take the cheaper route. I just can't stand the idea of blowing 500+ a month on food just for me. But this month I'm going all out. Lol, of course I'm going to try and cut back on every other possible expense, haha, so hopefully that will help with the guilt factor.

The other goals are pretty self explanatory.

Now, the problem I run into is I love goals, I just don't always accomplish them all because I like making so many of them. But this is it. Nothing else for the month of October, and you notice there is no weight goals. Because I don't care. All I want is that size 14 jeans by the end of the year. I know that is totally obtainable, yay! But back to what I was saying...I make all these goals, I get so excited and pumped up, and I don't face the reality of commitment (see yesterday's post).

Things are not always going to be easy.

Bam! That is the really difficult one. So from the get go I want to be completely honest with myself about the things that are not going to be easy about my goals. Here we go...complete honesty...

• Fear of looking stupid when riding my bike to work.
• Waking up at 4:00 a.m. to ride my bike to work and workout.
• Annoyance and having to get all my stuff together for the day at 4:00 a.m.
• Annoyance at having to take a shower at the gym.
• Annoyance at not being able to give Aaron extra hugs in bed in the morning (this is a BIG one).
• Annoyance when my husband makes, or asks me to make, something yummy for dinner for him. (Another BIG one)
  
• Irritation of not getting a 'fun' drink in the morning.
• Irritation on those occasions that water doesn't taste so good.
• Irritation when I have to drive up to Houston and pick up my food instead of going home and being lazy.
• Fear of embarrassment when I go out to eat with other people and having to explain what I'm doing. (Another BIG one)
• Fear of failure. (BIGGEST one)

Did you ever notice how scary it is to be honest with yourself? Well, it feels great when you are. After writing these things out and looking them each in the face I know that I can overcome them. All of them have to do with irritation, annoyance, fear...notice none of them say "I WILL DIE WITHOUT AN ENERGY DRINK IN THE MORNING" Lol, it is possible to over come each and every one of these things.

So, that is about it for my commitments this October. I know that if I'm steadfast I can accomplish each and every one, no problem.

And when I'm done...

Well, let's just say a manicure, pedicure, haircut, waxing, and a new outfit is in order :)

Thanks for reading!

Commitment

What does it mean?

Well to me it means being steadfast, not giving up even when things get difficult, put the full force of any energy I have behind something even if my energy level is low...

And ah, there is the moment of enlightenment;

EVEN IF MY ENERGY LEVEL IS LOW.

EVEN IF I'M TIRED.

EVEN IF IT IS A BAD DAY.

EVEN IF SOMEONE MAKES ME CRY.

EVEN IF I'M SICK.

EVEN IF THERE IS NO TIME.

EVEN IF I FEEL LAZY.

EVEN IF I FEEL BITCHY.

EVEN IF SOMEONE ELSE TRIES TO POINT ME IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION.

EVEN IF IT IS HARD.

EVEN IF I FEEL GOOD.

EVEN IF I WANT TO QUIT.

EVEN IF NO ONE IS ON MY SIDE.

EVEN IF I'M ALONE.

EVEN IF IT ISN'T WORKING LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD.

What does commitment REALLY mean to you? Sometime I look at it through rosy colored glasses. I don't think of what it will mean to me, that it won't be easy, that it won't be fun. When you start planning to commit to something, sometimes it seems a bit thrilling because it is new. But if you are in it for the long haul...you have to prepare yourself for the actual dedication necessary.

This may be one of those things that seems easy to understand, but I think when you really believe it, it can be a real breakthrough, one I hope I just made.

Thanks for reading!

Hot 100

I have decided to join the Hot 100 Challenge. Find more info here:

http://logmyloss.com/?p=3734&cpage=4#comment-27312

Tuesday will be my update days :) And now onto my goals!

1. I want to be able to do 40 sit ups in a minute.

2. I would like to be comfortably in a size 14 pants.

3. I'm going to New Orleans! Well, in spirit and eventually in person. By the end of this challenge I want to have covered 349 miles (the distance between Houston, Texas and New Orleans, Louisiana) by walking, running, and biking. That means I have to cover an average of 3.5 miles per day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I wrote the top portion of that post yesterday. Probably a good thing, since it seems today will not be as good of a day as yesterday. Last night I started getting really grumpy, I couldn't get comfortable in bed, then I woke up this morning at 3:30 a.m.! WIDE AWAKE. So I got some stuff done I needed to around the house and watched some random sitcom on Hulu called New Amsterdam. I actually really liked it, lol. Then around 5:30 I starting missing Aaron, so I went back to bed. BAD IDEA! He got irritated because I woke him up with my hugs, and I couldn't really sleep. Then my boxer decided that there was definitely room on our bed for him...and if there wasn't he would make room. So I tossed and turned until 6:45. Then I went to the cafeteria when I got to work. I was already having a bad morning so you know I was craving some Hot Chocolate, or a Dr. Pepper, or something bad. But I made the decision to get something healthy. So I got some kind of muffin and some fruit and some water. Ah, temptation avoided. And I was even thinking of only eating the fruit when...disaster struck and I dropped my fruit! It went all over the floor in the entrance of my building. So I'm trying to pick it up as fast as I can, because I don't want anyone to see me...and of course I'm almost done when this overly concerned woman walks in and is like, "Oh you poooooor thing, you poooor pooor thing." Seriously? By this time I'm almost to tears. I just wanted some fruit!! Is that such a bad thing? I was TRYING to make good choices and the world is just against me today. I have a feeling today will not be the best of days...but I'm trying to remain optimistic. Really I am...I can make this a good day if I just keep my chin up. Sigh.

My Competition; Myself

I am competitive.

I want to win.
No question.
I want to be the best
..and I want recognition of the fact that I am the best.

But here is a shocker.

I'm not the best.

Don't laugh, but this has been a huge and difficult lesson for me. I think a lot of people in my generation grew up with parents trying to give them constant positive re-enforcement. This is great in many ways. I certainly think it is better than degrading your child. However, it has given me a bit of a complex. I constantly desire other people's praise, I want to hear how good I'm doing, and too often that dictates the things I do and the way I act. Too often that is my only motivation.

It is difficult for me to admit, but for the longest time the only reason I sang is to get other people's praise. It made me hate singing. It made me quit singing. I couldn't tell if I actually liked singing, the only thing I KNEW that I liked was the praise I received from my family/friends. And when I got to college that praise was extremely rare, and was more often criticism. I wasn't prepared for it. I wanted to be better than everyone, but everyone was better than me. So you know what I did?

I quit.

I dropped out of college and for about 5 years my mind drifted. I had no direction. The only direction I had ever understood was the quest for praise and affirmation. I thought I was a failure, because no one was patting me on my back. But I got tired of crying about how my life didn't mean anything, and my mind started to change...

When I did the MS150 (bike ride from Houston to Austin) earlier this year it was one of the first times I ever did anything that I loved, that I enjoyed, and that I wasn't good at. I'm not saying I'm an awful cyclist. I can push myself up a hill like no ones business, and that makes me feel great. But I am slow, really slow. And that is okay.

You know what I would have done if I would have compared myself to more than 90% of the other cyclists on the road during the MS150? I would have quit. They were better than me. They were faster, they were better equipped; some had trained harder, some had teams supporting them.

I did it alone, I went slow, I came in near the end....and I loved it, and I didn't quit...and I finished.

I was inspired to write this by a friend of mine who is doing a 5K with her brother this weekend. My friend is, in my opinion, athletic and amazing. I aspire to what she can do and the speed she can run. But she is worried, because her brother is faster than her. He started running just a month or so ago and can already easily beat her times. Basically, he is better than her (for now).

She is competitive too. I know it is frustrating to her, because she has been training, she has been pushing. But I know she will never stop.

"Just do your best," is what I tell her as encouragement.

And for the first time I'm saying that, not because it is the 'nice' thing to say, but because I mean it. I'm not perfect. I still want to quit, I'm sure I will still quit sometimes because I'm so crushed by the fact that I am not the best. But, I'm learning. The best experiences are when I aspire to be as fast as my brother-in-law who averages 25mph on his bike, when I aspire to run as fast as my friend Helen, when I aspire to be as dedicated and inspiring as my friend Candice...but I compete and aim to beat myself. When I am on that hill and my body is crying out to stop, when my mind keeps saying I could just get off and walk that hill, when my stomach says 'eat that ice cream, exercise tomorrow'. When I say no, when I keep going, when I push...I win every time. I am the best of me, every time.

I aspire to be like the best and I do my best.
And when I do that I don't need praise or anyone's affirmation.
Because when that happens I am proud of myself, I am happy, I am alive.

And that is victory.

The proposal, book & a boxer, and therapy.

Today has been awesome and crazy. It feels like it was jam packed full of stuff. Nothing of great importance just work. I was really productive and feel like I made good choices.

Awesome right? How often can I really say that? :)

Our date last night was super awesome! Aaron took me to the restaurant where we had our reception. And we saw a waiter that had actually waited on us at our wedding, lol. Dinner was so delicious. We got Spinach Artichoke Dip for an appetizer and then I had the Baked Ziti, which is one of my new favorite foods. There was no way I could finish it. After that Aaron took me to the park where we got married, and get this, he got down on one knee (something he never did when he originally proposed to me) and re-proposed. It was so sweet, and of course I started crying. It was a beautiful evening. Galveston smelled so wonderful; a mix of salty air and flavorful smells wafting from restaurants. Funny how smells can remind you so much of good times. And, the moon was beautiful :) We didn't see it until we were leaving the island because the horizon had been cloudy. But man, it lit up the sky!

And now it is Friday, and my good mood is holding out. I'm thinking tonight I will being making Aaron and I a mozzarella and feta cheese pizza! Yum! After that Aaron is going to a car meet and I'm going to curl up with Rex (my boxer) and a book I borrowed from my niece.

I feel good. I feel like me. Today I went to a therapist. That is right, I'm nuts. I went to him a couple of weeks ago and he was really able to help me with some family stuff I was having. Seems like a big reoccurring theme is Assertiveness and my lack of it. I feel weird seeing a therapist, mainly because I don't know where to start or what he wants me to say. It is scary trying to be honest and not trying to sugar coat things for someone. But that is my main problem...well, maybe not a problem, but the main thing I want to work on. I want to stop sugar coating. I want to tell the truth to everyone. I don't always want to be a doormat or the glue in a relationship. Ah, feels so good to have moments of clarity.

I'm hoping to start implementing this mentality. I want to start with family relationships. I need to 'set boundaries' as the therapist says. That requires me to be up front and honest with those close to me. Why is it so hard?

Anyway, that's about it for today. Thanks for reading!

(PS - Did you notice how I didn't blog about my diet or need to lose weight? It feels GREAT not to define myself but only those two things. Yes I'm making some pretty healthy choices and I will start sharing them. But I'm glad I'm talking about other things too. It feels healthier, lol, go figure!)

Must be the moon...

That is causing me and everyone else to act crazy :) Anyway, it is a good day for me. The sky has cleared up, and even though that means it is hotter outside, it isn't too bad. Next week is supposed to be a cooler, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Last night I was having a bit of a boohoo evening where I felt so old and boring, and was just not happy with myself. So I was hugging Aaron in bed, and he was like, "You are so silly. You are 26! I have never met a sillier 26 year old thinking their old."

He was right, that was silly and stupid! Haha, but I think I will always have those moments. Funny how sometimes you have to choose to think young. I think one reason I was feeling that way is it is getting close to my birthday. 2 months away from today actually.

The last two years I have literally had a breakdown on my birthday. This year is going to be different! I am going to celebrate me! :D I'm thinking a dinner at the Melting Pot (a fondue restaurant) or a romantic picnic with a cheesecake covered in fruit for desert. I actually like the picnic idea best. I'll have to tell Aaron!

This has been a good and accomplished year. I mean, I did my first 5K, my first 10K, did the MS150, and my first Triathlon! That is pretty awesome. And I'm going to celebrate next year which will be even MORE awesome! What is on the agenda for next year you may ask? Well I know for sure I'm going to do the following:

Do the MS150 Again

Do an Olympic Distance Triathlon

Run/Walk a 1/2 Marathon

Do the Warrior Dash

There are other things I want to do and learn, but these are the top 4 things I am definitely going to do in my 27th year of life :)

So tonight is a full moon. I've already called Aaron and arranged a romantic date. I'm thinking dinner on the beach. Thanks for reading, have a good night!

Hello, My Name is Olivia

So, after much careful thought I have decided to revamp. Not just my blog, but my life. There is some social pressure that makes me feel like it is wrong to revamp, to admit mistake, to simply change my mind...but I'm going to ignore it, because it is stupid.

It is okay to change my mind, it is okay to take a new direction, it is okay to make mistakes, it is okay to restart even if it is for the 3rd, 4th...100th time. The first thing a help desk tells you to do when you have a problem is, "Did you restart?"

So, I'd like to introduce myself. In no particular order, here's a list of things about me, past/present/future. They are me.

I am Olivia Alexander
I am assertive
I am not on a diet
I am healthy
I am beautiful
I am athletic
I am neat
I am creative
I am talented
I am agnostic
I do not believe in the typical structure of family/society
I don't do something unless I enjoy it
I admit when I'm wrong but I don't dwell on it
I am a cyclist
I love dogs
I am a runner
I am a swimmer
I like kayaking
I have a boyfriend
I like healthy food
I do not drink soda
I eat organic
I read a book a week
I listen to a wide variety of music
I drive with the windows down when possible
I don't like to have a lot of friends
I don't like to be overly social
I don't like to have too many commitments
I don't like to stay in one place for too long
I like being outside
I like camping
I am a great singer
I love dogs
I love money
I love adventure
I don't let fear run my life
I am a good employee
I am not a flake
I am a conservative and support limited government
I like to drive our mustang
I am sexy
I am confident
I am so much more than I can list out.
I am changing.

And the main point of this entry...

I have a blog
It isn't about being fat
It isn't about weight loss
It is about me!
Who I AM.

Olivia, Warrior Princess!(Insert crazy Zena Warrior Princess yells/sound effects)

Gym Boss

So, I got my new toy yesterday, and I really like it. It is called the Gym Boss, and basically it is an interval timer. And of course I had to get it in bright pink :) Last night I used it, and had a great workout. The first workout I had in a long time. What I did was a brisk 5 minute walk; then I alternated 90 seconds of walking and 60 seconds of jogging/running. I did that 10 times. Then I walked for another 25 minutes. So I had a good 55 minute workout! I can't tell you how accomplished I feel after it. And it wasn't too painful and the interval timer just beeped whenever I was supposed to start running, so there was no worrying as to whether I had walked or ran the correct amount of time. I could just go. Tonight I plan on using it for my bike trying something called pyramids (1 min push, 1 min ease, 2 min push, 2 min ease, 3 min push, 3 min ease).

I am so happy I actually did the exercise I had committed to yesterday and I didn't eat horribly. I know today is going to be even better.

Thanks for reading!