Monday, May 17, 2010

BLC - Day 15

I am so happy today. It is the beginning of a week, a fresh start. And I don't feel completely awful for anything that has happened in the past. I feel like I've really been growing this last couple of years of my life. I feel a sense of clarity, that I understand life is a process, an experience. And I'm so ready for it, everyday I'm ready, everyday I'm thankful and happy. It used to be that I was waiting, that I was depressed, dispondent, and dissapointed (the three Ds!) But now, more often than not, I feel like I am alive! That I'm not waiting anymore. I guess getting older really does have its perks, I mean, I am not doubting myself all the time.

Speaking of doubting, I am 99.99999999999% sure I didn't get a part in Cabaret. :( I'll be 100% sure tonight if they don't call.

And you know what?
That is okay. I can't say that I'm sad or disappointed I didn't get a part. I learned something even more valuable when I went to that audition. I learned singing is something I want to do. And not the way I used to do it, all competitive and needing people to think I was good so I felt better about myself. I feel good about myself all on my own now! I don't need anyone's approval.

I also know that I am not the most special amazing person in the world. That doesn't mean I don't like ME. I do! Even more now that I realize all that pressure is gone...I don't have to be perfect or the best singer. I can be me.

This has translated as me being more and more comfortable with my body. Do I want to lose weight? Uh, yeah! But I'm not going to let my current body keep me from doing the things I want to do, or feeling good. My poor husband, I keep strutting around saying, "Wow, I have a hott butt," or "Hey, feel how muscular my legs are!" Lol, but I can tell he likes it ;)

Well anyway, I don't really know what the point of this post was, mainly just to get on here today and get to typing.

Tonight I have another audition for a musical. I'm excited :) I'm going to go in there just to have fun! And who knows! Maybe I'll get a part.

Oh, and btw, I lost a pound last week. Woot!

Thanks for reading and have a good day.