Thursday, December 10, 2009

Emotions & 'Oh Deer!'

I don't know if it is like this for men, because my husband never seems to be affected...but emotions play a huge role in my weight loss. In fact, if it wasn't for emotions and moods I know that I would be to my weight loss goal already. But, I'll get into a mood where I feel hopeless, sad, or the worst...apathetic...then I'll settle for a calorie range that is just maintenance, or I will put no resistance on the machine I work out on.

I want to control these emotions. I want to have enough control to confront why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, and then be able to change it. I am going to try. I am really going to try and zero in on my emotion every day...even when I'm feeling that I can learn the secrets to why I feel the way I feel. Maybe if I know that then I can change it.

Today's Emotion: So, today I started out feeling defeated and I thought trying to lose weight was pointless.
Why?: I made a high fat dinner for my husband last night, and I let myself give in and eat it all with him. I also didn't go to Candice's this morning and walk the dogs because I wasn't feeling well. I know there may be nothing I can do about that, but I still have to be honest that it is part of the reason I didn't feel good.
How can I fix it?: Taking a walk with Candice today was a start. I feel much more motivated after seeing her, always do. I am going to the store after work and picking up some more healthy food. I'm going to make a big fruit salad that I can eat on for the next 4-5 days in the morning, plus I'll pick out what I'm going to eat for lunch and dinner.
How can I avoid it in the future?: Don't give in to those silly temptations. Being thin and healthy will taste far better than anything I cook at least :)

Maybe if I confront these moods I will be able to get out of them faster. As many of you know, it often becomes a downward spiral where you simply can't get out of a funk. But today I'm gonna go to the gym and then for dinner I'm having a healthy omelet. Even if my hubby wants something else, I am the only one responsible for myself.

So....funny story...
yesterday I decided to run along the trail at work. It was cold, but sunny, so I wanted to take advantage of the ability to run outdoors. Well, we have a lot of deer where I work, and did you k now it is mating season? So anytime you see a doe you are pretty sure to see a buck. Usually this doesn't bother me...but, the other day a coworker sent me these pictures in an email of two bucks fighting. It was pretty sad, graphic, and scary.

So, I'm running along, feeling good...have gone about .75 miles...when I see this big group of deer kinda running away from me. This is completely normal...except one deer isn't moving. As I jog closer I see the beg antlers on this sucker and he looks like he is in a defensive pose about 8 or 10 feet from the trail. I kinda start to slow down at this point, visions flash through my mind of the two bucks fighting, and I realize "holy crap, that thing could kill me if it wanted too!" so at that point I stop all together and think to myself,

"It could run me down and kill me...and it wouldn't be a quick death either...i mean, it would stab me and stomp on me to death! and I haven't even reached my goal weight yet...I mean, maybe if I was thin and hot and someone found me slaughtered by a deer, well that would at least be something...but the head lines would probably read 'fat a** couldn't run fast enough and was attacked by angry buck'...not to mention all the deer at work would probably be killed off because I was stupid and ran by a big angry buck."

At that point I turned around, checking every so often to make sure he wasn't following me, haha. The good thing is it was still 1.5 miles! My goal! Yay! But, for now, until mating season is over, I think I'll stick to the treadmill. It is cold outside anyway.

Food today? Well (and brace yourself, this is bad..)

3 sausage balls (~150 cals)
1 cup hot chocolate (~50 cals)
2 Snickerdoodle Cookies (~320 cals)
Indian Food, 2 plates (~1200 cals)
Energy Drink (~180 cals)

Subtotal - 1900

Yikes..for dinner I'll be having an omelet, maybe some fruit for desert, so that will be another 300 calories. Maintenance basically. But, any exercise I do will be a deficit.

Tonight at the gym I don't have to lift weights. Therefore I need to run my 1.5 miles and do 30 minutes on the elliptical. That should burn 5-600 calories. Not too bad really, for such a big binge day.

What is my mood now? Optimistic! Hey maybe this worked!

Thanks for reading!