Assert Yourself and Day 2 Recap

The Biggest Loser and I have a love/hate relationship. I ended up watching it last night, and got thoroughly annoyed by Jillian being so pissed at the girls for coming in last on weigh ins. Why don't they ever address the facts about the difference between men and women's weight loss? Why don't they display the height of the contestants or explain BMI? Or that muscle weighs more than fat, or that the first week the contestants probably lose a lot of water weight...sigh, it gets a little irritating. Because, while it is inspiring in many ways, it could also be discouraging to someone who is trying to lose weight outside of the show.

Well, there was one thing I did like about the show last night. And that was the message of, "If you want it, ask for it." Basically, assert yourself! So many people don't want to cause problems, they don't want to cause controversy, so much so that they become living breathing door mats! There is a time and a place to put others needs before yours, but there is also a time and a place to put your needs before others.

On the Biggest Loser last night there was this guy named Aaron, and he didn't do so good on the weigh in. He seemed like a very chill easy going guy, but he also appeared to be uninspired. He ended up being in the bottom half of the contestants and would have to do one last challenge, and would potentially be going home. Unless, he could convince this one guy that he deserved immunity. Aaron waited and waited, and didn't talk to the Immunity Guy. All the other contestants were crying and telling Immunity Guy why they deserved to stay on the show. Then they showed a clip of a workout where the trainer Bob was screaming at them, "If you want something, just reach out and take it!" (Or something along those lines.)

That is when the light bulb went off in Aaron's head. After the workout he went and talked to Immunity Guy about how he really did want to stay on the show. And guess who got immunity? That's right, Aaron. So, yay! Let's all shed a few happy tears, and then think about what you and I can learn from this story.

We are not always going to get 'Immunity'. Sometimes life doesn't work out. But you should still reach out and take what you want/need/deserve. Sometimes this is just something you do. Like me going buying that food for the 21 Day Challenge, or if I really want some new bike gear, if I just take the plunge and spend the money. Sometimes I feel like I have to justify these purchases, especially in my relationship with Aaron. But what I need to realize is that it is okay to have give AND take. He doesn't mind, he wants me to have the things I desire and need. Why do I always feel like I have to give, give, give? And don't think for one second that I'm sitting here saying that I am selfless. I am nothing of the sort. I am selfish, because the reason I give, give, give? I want to be a martyr. I want people to praise me and think I'm selfless. It is a dark truth about myself, and I am a bit ashamed of it. But, all I can do is learn from this.

Then there's the asking part of being assertive. Sometimes you have to ask or tell someone what you want. This is hard for me because I fear conflict, again probably because I want to impress everyone with my wonderful 'glue' skills (meaning, the way I am commonly referred to as the 'glue' in relationships.) I'm sick of this too. I WANT things, so I'm going to ASK for them. I know me better than anyone else, so why do I feel I need to wait for something to figure out what I want/need/deserve? That is the most ineffective way to get anything! So ask for things and tell people what you want! I am really digging this 21 day challenge. The food is pretty good and it is so simple. Plus a nutritionist from Fit Foods emails me every day with encouragement and to see how I'm doing. They have also been asking for my weight every day...At first I was like, "Okay, didn't know I was supposed to report that EVERY day." I've had problems with focusing on my weight before and becoming obsessed with the numbers. I don't want to do that anymore. So I realized their was a simple solution. I am going to ASK if it is okay if I only weigh in once, maybe twice, a week. I am going to TELL the nutritionist (who is super nice btw) that I have a problem with getting fixated on numbers and it sometimes derails me if they aren't looking as good as they should. And finally, this is the part that takes real balls on my part, I am going to suggest that they make this an option in the future, especially for their clients who have my kind of history with obesity.

All of these concepts seem so simple once I write them down, but they are a real struggle for me. So, if anyone reads this :) I CHALLENGE YOU! ASSERT YOURSELF!

Now for my 21 Day Challenge Recap for Tuesday. It went pretty good. I did have my 1 cheat meal for lunch because I promised my bro-n-law we'd go out to eat. I kept it light though w/chicken, rice, and soup. Other that that, the meal plan was as follows:

Breakfast - Good Morning Breakfast (ground turkey, cheese, rice, etc.)


Snack - Chicken & Fruit Bowl
(sorry for got to take a picture)

Snack - 3 Chocolate Almond Patties


Dinner - Ninja Tenderloin. (Tenderloin and spinach)


I aboslutely loved everything on the menu, except the 2 Chocolate Almond Patties. You can imagine the excitement when I saw Chocolate Almond Patties on the menu for yesterday! But they turned out to be rather bland brownie kind of things. No biggie, I just expected something different. I guess I should have known chocolate and diet don't go well together.

The really bad news? I didn't exercise yesterday and I don't think I will be able to today. I'm not trying to make excuses, but we are moving this Thursday so I have been swamped. I plan on making up for yesterday and today by exercising this weekend. Oh well, can't dwell on what can't be helped. I'll just have to follow my meal plan to a T :)

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Day 1 of 21 Day Challenge & Hot 100 Challenge Updates

You know those posts about commitment? Well, I'm glad I wrote them, because they are all that got me out of bed yesterday morning. My alarm when off at 4 and I was lying in bed thinking how oh so comfy I was, but then I thought of those posts and new I had to get up!

So I did, and it was totally worth it! I got up and stated my 21 Day My Fit Foods Challenge. Sunday Aaron and I went to get the food. It was so exciting! :) Yes, I'm a dork, excited about pre-packed foods. Well, this morning it was super convenient to grab what was on the schedule to eat for today.

Breakfast - Oatmeal

Snack - Fruit & Yogurt
Lunch - 2 Chicken Tacos
Snack - 1 Chicken Taco
Dinner - Chicken Fajitas



So how was it?
The oatmeal was pretty bland, but I expected it to be. It did fill me up like crazy.
The Fruit and yogurt was delicious! All of the fruit was so fresh! And dipping it in the yogurt made it like desert :)
The Chicken Tacos were really good too. They come in a pack of 3, 2 for lunch and 1 for a snack. I wanted to eat all of them. But, I'm glad I restrained myself.
The Chicken Fajitas were so good! There were 3 strips of chicken, 2 tortillas, and a ton of vegetables that were so fresh! There were even carrots! Who would have known those would be so freaking good in fajitas?

The Liver Cleanse

Another thing I have to do is the Liver Cleanse (12 oz of water, 6oz of pure cranberry juice, 1 TBSP of Vinegar). Oh it is so bitter, and it does smell like Easter eggs. But whatever, it isn't so disgusting that I want to throw up.

Exercise
I also got a good workout in. Did about 30 minutes of strength training, then 30 minutes of cardio (elliptical/treadmill). It felt really awesome.

Last night I did start to feel kind of sick. I don't know if this is because I'm detoxing or what, but I started running fever. I took ibuprofen and went to bed. Unfortunately, I think it relaxed me too much and I did allow myself to sleep in this morning. I need the rest though, because I really can't afford to get sick. I did bring up my workout clothes, and I plan on spending an hour outside run/walking after work, which will be very nice considering this weather! :)

Hot 100 Update

1. Able to do 40 Situps in 1 Minute - Yesterday I did 12 sit ups. I'm going to do 12-15 sit ups every day this week. So, I'm on my way :)

2. Fit into a size 14 pants - Working on that per the exercise and the 21 day challenge. Right now I'm fitting well into a size 16.

3. From Houston to New Orleans (Walk/Bike/Run the mileage) - So far I've covered 7.8 miles out of 349. I know that these miles will really start to tick away when I start biking to work next week. I'll be covering 14 miles a day in biking alone, so I'm not too worried that I haven't covered that much ground yet. But hey, every mile counts! :)

Mad Music Monday

I'm always so jealous of those cute little blogs that have their themed days. So, I've decided to make today MAD MUSIC MONDAY! And don't worry, I'm not really mad, I just like alliteration a lot.

So today, I'm going to share five songs that I'm liking today :)

1. Timbaland - The Way I Are ft. Keri Hilson, D.O.E., Sebastian

2. Orphaned Land - Of Temptation Born

3. "LIKE A G6" (OFFICIAL) FAR EAST MOVEMENT (FM) feat The Cataracs & Dev

4. Obsession - Animotion

5. Marilyn Horne - Una voce poco fa

Hope you enjoy them :) As you can see, I like a diverse set of music.

PS - I am starting the 21 day challenge today and so far so good. I'll be posting an update tonight from home with pics of the food/etc. So please check back!

Commitment Part 2 - My Commitments

It has been a long time, long time for me at least, since I've devoted a post to weight loss. I don't count the Hot 100 Challenge since I tried to stay away from numbers on the scale and such. I like it, I plan to keep it that way, it makes me happier to share OTHER aspects of my life other than my obsession with weight loss. But today, I'm returning to the subject...hopefully with a new approach, resolve, and commitment (hence the title).

Yay, it is October 1st. Start to a new month and that always makes me happy, new beginnings. I have a lot of new beginnings coming up, and I have been contemplating my level of commitment to these things (if that wasn't obvious from my post yesterday.) Today I'd like to go a little more in depth.

The first thing I guess I should understand is what exactly I'm committing to at this point in my life. I have long term goals, but I want to focus on my immediate goals that effect this next month of October. So here they are in a nut shell:

1. Hot 100 Challenge
2. My Fit Foods 21 Day Challenge
   
3. Work Out 5 Days Per Week
4. Bike to Work (Starting 10/12/2010)

That's it! Simple right? Yeh, not so much. When I start thinking about the details my stomach gets twisted into knots. I mean, with each goal there are usually all these little min-goals that help you to accomplish the big goals, so that means 4 goals can be transformed into 20+ mini-goals, and then, and then, and then...

Sheesh! Makes me feel like eating a big tub of ice cream! But I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to do something to help me understand my goals, the mini-goals that come along with it, and how they all relate to one another. (This one's for you Candy...) I'm going to make a flow chart! Yay! Flow chart time :)

(Click to make it bigger)

You see! Doesn't that make life easier? Does for me. Makes me feel more organized and sane. I mean, I knew all these things that I wanted to do before I wrote them down, but now I don't have to second guess myself.

You can see the biggest bubble, and the one they all point to, is the Hot 100 Challenge which we all know about from a previous post.

The next biggest bubble is the 21 Day Challenge I'm starting this coming Monday. This is almost as big as the Hot 100 Challenge because, well, let's be honest; It is EXPENSIVE!

My Fit Foods is this place that makes food that they package, good for four days, and totally organic/healthy/and balanced. I have decided to commit to their 21 day challenge, where you commit to eat 3 meals and 2 snacks a day from them. No caffeine, no alcohol, but you do get to do this yummy (aka-yucky) liver cleanse thing every morning. Sounds great right? I mean, it isn't even gimmicky. It just takes the guess work out of cooking, and I really don't like cooking or worrying about what I'm going to eat. I mean, most of my problem with health/weight loss is food. It isn't even the control factor. It is just that I'm LAZY when it comes to food. (gasp, I know, I admitted it) I don't prepare, I don't really like preparing, and so I find myself driving through somewhere or giving into the temptation. My theory is if I already have all of my food I won't even be faced with that temptation. So, I'm willing to spend about $500 (that's right, OMG, I feel so freaking selfish doing this) on this super healthy food. Originally I thought "NO WAY!" But then I started breaking it down. No trips to the grocery store, nothing. This is my entire food cost for almost the whole month. I don't even have to do dishes.

I will admit one reason it is kind of expensive is that when you commit to the 21 day challenge a nutritionist makes out your food plan. Now, if it were me I would be eating the cheapest thing on the menu (oatmeal) every morning of the week. But, he has made me out a nice diverse meal plan. I mean really, it looks pretty tasty. After the challenge, if it is successful and I want to keep up purchasing things from them, I will try to take the cheaper route. I just can't stand the idea of blowing 500+ a month on food just for me. But this month I'm going all out. Lol, of course I'm going to try and cut back on every other possible expense, haha, so hopefully that will help with the guilt factor.

The other goals are pretty self explanatory.

Now, the problem I run into is I love goals, I just don't always accomplish them all because I like making so many of them. But this is it. Nothing else for the month of October, and you notice there is no weight goals. Because I don't care. All I want is that size 14 jeans by the end of the year. I know that is totally obtainable, yay! But back to what I was saying...I make all these goals, I get so excited and pumped up, and I don't face the reality of commitment (see yesterday's post).

Things are not always going to be easy.

Bam! That is the really difficult one. So from the get go I want to be completely honest with myself about the things that are not going to be easy about my goals. Here we go...complete honesty...

• Fear of looking stupid when riding my bike to work.
• Waking up at 4:00 a.m. to ride my bike to work and workout.
• Annoyance and having to get all my stuff together for the day at 4:00 a.m.
• Annoyance at having to take a shower at the gym.
• Annoyance at not being able to give Aaron extra hugs in bed in the morning (this is a BIG one).
• Annoyance when my husband makes, or asks me to make, something yummy for dinner for him. (Another BIG one)
  
• Irritation of not getting a 'fun' drink in the morning.
• Irritation on those occasions that water doesn't taste so good.
• Irritation when I have to drive up to Houston and pick up my food instead of going home and being lazy.
• Fear of embarrassment when I go out to eat with other people and having to explain what I'm doing. (Another BIG one)
• Fear of failure. (BIGGEST one)

Did you ever notice how scary it is to be honest with yourself? Well, it feels great when you are. After writing these things out and looking them each in the face I know that I can overcome them. All of them have to do with irritation, annoyance, fear...notice none of them say "I WILL DIE WITHOUT AN ENERGY DRINK IN THE MORNING" Lol, it is possible to over come each and every one of these things.

So, that is about it for my commitments this October. I know that if I'm steadfast I can accomplish each and every one, no problem.

And when I'm done...

Well, let's just say a manicure, pedicure, haircut, waxing, and a new outfit is in order :)

Thanks for reading!

Commitment

What does it mean?

Well to me it means being steadfast, not giving up even when things get difficult, put the full force of any energy I have behind something even if my energy level is low...

And ah, there is the moment of enlightenment;

EVEN IF MY ENERGY LEVEL IS LOW.

EVEN IF I'M TIRED.

EVEN IF IT IS A BAD DAY.

EVEN IF SOMEONE MAKES ME CRY.

EVEN IF I'M SICK.

EVEN IF THERE IS NO TIME.

EVEN IF I FEEL LAZY.

EVEN IF I FEEL BITCHY.

EVEN IF SOMEONE ELSE TRIES TO POINT ME IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION.

EVEN IF IT IS HARD.

EVEN IF I FEEL GOOD.

EVEN IF I WANT TO QUIT.

EVEN IF NO ONE IS ON MY SIDE.

EVEN IF I'M ALONE.

EVEN IF IT ISN'T WORKING LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD.

What does commitment REALLY mean to you? Sometime I look at it through rosy colored glasses. I don't think of what it will mean to me, that it won't be easy, that it won't be fun. When you start planning to commit to something, sometimes it seems a bit thrilling because it is new. But if you are in it for the long haul...you have to prepare yourself for the actual dedication necessary.

This may be one of those things that seems easy to understand, but I think when you really believe it, it can be a real breakthrough, one I hope I just made.

Thanks for reading!

Hot 100

I have decided to join the Hot 100 Challenge. Find more info here:

http://logmyloss.com/?p=3734&cpage=4#comment-27312

Tuesday will be my update days :) And now onto my goals!

1. I want to be able to do 40 sit ups in a minute.

2. I would like to be comfortably in a size 14 pants.

3. I'm going to New Orleans! Well, in spirit and eventually in person. By the end of this challenge I want to have covered 349 miles (the distance between Houston, Texas and New Orleans, Louisiana) by walking, running, and biking. That means I have to cover an average of 3.5 miles per day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I wrote the top portion of that post yesterday. Probably a good thing, since it seems today will not be as good of a day as yesterday. Last night I started getting really grumpy, I couldn't get comfortable in bed, then I woke up this morning at 3:30 a.m.! WIDE AWAKE. So I got some stuff done I needed to around the house and watched some random sitcom on Hulu called New Amsterdam. I actually really liked it, lol. Then around 5:30 I starting missing Aaron, so I went back to bed. BAD IDEA! He got irritated because I woke him up with my hugs, and I couldn't really sleep. Then my boxer decided that there was definitely room on our bed for him...and if there wasn't he would make room. So I tossed and turned until 6:45. Then I went to the cafeteria when I got to work. I was already having a bad morning so you know I was craving some Hot Chocolate, or a Dr. Pepper, or something bad. But I made the decision to get something healthy. So I got some kind of muffin and some fruit and some water. Ah, temptation avoided. And I was even thinking of only eating the fruit when...disaster struck and I dropped my fruit! It went all over the floor in the entrance of my building. So I'm trying to pick it up as fast as I can, because I don't want anyone to see me...and of course I'm almost done when this overly concerned woman walks in and is like, "Oh you poooooor thing, you poooor pooor thing." Seriously? By this time I'm almost to tears. I just wanted some fruit!! Is that such a bad thing? I was TRYING to make good choices and the world is just against me today. I have a feeling today will not be the best of days...but I'm trying to remain optimistic. Really I am...I can make this a good day if I just keep my chin up. Sigh.

My Competition; Myself

I am competitive.

I want to win.
No question.
I want to be the best
..and I want recognition of the fact that I am the best.

But here is a shocker.

I'm not the best.

Don't laugh, but this has been a huge and difficult lesson for me. I think a lot of people in my generation grew up with parents trying to give them constant positive re-enforcement. This is great in many ways. I certainly think it is better than degrading your child. However, it has given me a bit of a complex. I constantly desire other people's praise, I want to hear how good I'm doing, and too often that dictates the things I do and the way I act. Too often that is my only motivation.

It is difficult for me to admit, but for the longest time the only reason I sang is to get other people's praise. It made me hate singing. It made me quit singing. I couldn't tell if I actually liked singing, the only thing I KNEW that I liked was the praise I received from my family/friends. And when I got to college that praise was extremely rare, and was more often criticism. I wasn't prepared for it. I wanted to be better than everyone, but everyone was better than me. So you know what I did?

I quit.

I dropped out of college and for about 5 years my mind drifted. I had no direction. The only direction I had ever understood was the quest for praise and affirmation. I thought I was a failure, because no one was patting me on my back. But I got tired of crying about how my life didn't mean anything, and my mind started to change...

When I did the MS150 (bike ride from Houston to Austin) earlier this year it was one of the first times I ever did anything that I loved, that I enjoyed, and that I wasn't good at. I'm not saying I'm an awful cyclist. I can push myself up a hill like no ones business, and that makes me feel great. But I am slow, really slow. And that is okay.

You know what I would have done if I would have compared myself to more than 90% of the other cyclists on the road during the MS150? I would have quit. They were better than me. They were faster, they were better equipped; some had trained harder, some had teams supporting them.

I did it alone, I went slow, I came in near the end....and I loved it, and I didn't quit...and I finished.

I was inspired to write this by a friend of mine who is doing a 5K with her brother this weekend. My friend is, in my opinion, athletic and amazing. I aspire to what she can do and the speed she can run. But she is worried, because her brother is faster than her. He started running just a month or so ago and can already easily beat her times. Basically, he is better than her (for now).

She is competitive too. I know it is frustrating to her, because she has been training, she has been pushing. But I know she will never stop.

"Just do your best," is what I tell her as encouragement.

And for the first time I'm saying that, not because it is the 'nice' thing to say, but because I mean it. I'm not perfect. I still want to quit, I'm sure I will still quit sometimes because I'm so crushed by the fact that I am not the best. But, I'm learning. The best experiences are when I aspire to be as fast as my brother-in-law who averages 25mph on his bike, when I aspire to run as fast as my friend Helen, when I aspire to be as dedicated and inspiring as my friend Candice...but I compete and aim to beat myself. When I am on that hill and my body is crying out to stop, when my mind keeps saying I could just get off and walk that hill, when my stomach says 'eat that ice cream, exercise tomorrow'. When I say no, when I keep going, when I push...I win every time. I am the best of me, every time.

I aspire to be like the best and I do my best.
And when I do that I don't need praise or anyone's affirmation.
Because when that happens I am proud of myself, I am happy, I am alive.

And that is victory.