1040 Calorie Breakfast

That is right people, this morning I had:

Equate Ultra Weight Loss Shake
Scrambled Eggs
Bacon2 Slices French Toast

Oh, and I almost forgot I drank a strawberry fanta.

Was it worth it? Nah, not really. But I sure as heck am not hungry now, lol. :)
This is weird. I overate, and I'm not beating myself up?

Twat Twat?

Well, I think it is that I know I'm not going to spiral out of control, you know? I'm not going to use me not eating the healthiest breakfast as an excuse to continue eating crappy the rest of the day.

Hm, and that's all I have to say on the matter.

Well, this weekend we are going to Austin! :) Very excited. Monday is the Triathlon. Stay tuned for updates.

A Funny Thing Happened...

How you doing?

I'm doing GREAT!

This has been a great week. I've been eating pretty much within my calorie range. I'm not going to beat myself up for going 50 calories over. And I've been exercising consistently.

And last night something awesome happened!

If you have been reading this blog, you know that I had auditioned for Cabaret. I'm not sure if I ever posted, but I did not make it into the musical :(

But oh well...life goes on. So I auditioned for another musical called 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum'. And I got the part I auditioned for, Domina, yay! It isn't a lead role, but I do get a whole song to myself! And a couple dozen speaking lines.

Last night we had our first rehearsal, where we got our scripts and everything. After wards the director asked me to stay because she had something to ask me. Well, turns out she was super impressed with my audition and offered me a paid job as the Music Director for the musical! I'm going to be teaching everyone how to sing their parts and warming up everyone before rehearsals.

I am so flattered that they offered me the position simply off my audition! I am proud of myself and really excited. I really want to get back into music. This is a perfect window for me to see if I still like teaching, etc. Which I'm sure I will :) I've been putting together warm ups all morning.

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Yep, It's Tuesday

So, how are you doing? I'm alright. Feel a little sickish, which really sucks. I don't have much to write today because my head is all feverish and it is hard to thing. But I wanted to check in and say I'm doing good. I'm climbing the ladder (thanks for that Candice :) ) and taking it step by step. I hope everyone hangs in there today, and hopefully I'll have more to say tomorrow.

Good evening all!

BLC - Not sure what day it is, lol, but it is a good one!

So, I had an awesome weekend, and I'm having an even better Monday. What more could a person want than time outside, encouraging friends, and a blog! :) Well, I like my husband and dogs too, but you get the idea. Saturday I kayaked for around 2 hours and I swam for about 5! No kidding! I was having so much fun playing with my nieces. I like them so much more now that they are older and I can relate to them, lol. Sunday I did a Tri run through. I'm pretty excited that it is this coming weekend! I'm not 100% sure that I'll be able to run the whole 5K, but I'm going to give it my best shot.

I started tracking my calories/exercise on SparkPeople again, and I really like it. Especially with my new understanding that 2 pounds a week is OKAY! :) SparkPeople makes me feel like it is doable and gives me attainable goals.

Woke up this morning and went to the gym. 10 minutes general weight lifting and 45 minutes on the elliptical. That fulfills my exercise requirement for the day, but I'd like to maybe do a 30 minutes walk tonight. Also have been eating super healthy. I should easily be able to stay between my 1400 - 1750 calorie goal.

See, this is doable, this is sustainable! Ah, feels so good!

Had a great lunch with the biggest loser crew today. Man those women keep me from falling and NOT getting up. I'll admit, I've cheated some this past month. But I never once STOPPED. I got up, I kept going. I'm really excited to start this next challenge and keep losing two pounds a week :) I know that if I do I will be looking super sassy and hot by this fall.

BLC - Day 18

Seriously, today has been the day from hell. But, I have managed to eat healthy!! I'm going to end the day at around 1500 calories, I'm on my 10th glass of water, and tonight I plan on spending an hour on the elliptical, after going to my nieces band concert.

And, while I am very sad that my husband will be out of town till Monday, I am excited because I can FOCUS! This weekend is going to be awesome and full of lots of exercise!

Wish I could write more, but it is time to go home! Weeeee!

Everyone have a great day and thanks for reading!

BLC - Day 17, 2 Pounds; A Lasting Change

So, I'll be the first to admit that I roll my eyes when people say,

"Two pounds a week is a healthy weight loss. You are more likely to keep it off."

I have always hated that. I hate reading it, I hate hearing it, I hate trying to appease myself with that thought when I only lose two pounds a week...

But, I hate the alternative even more.

Last night I watched the Biggest Loser. It is the next to last episode and the final four contestants ran a Marathon! Oh wow, I have to say I was really inspired. I mean, if they can run a Marathon after 6 months, I can surely run a 1/2 Marathon by January 2011 (a goal of mine).

So I'm on the couch getting all motivated. And of course, throughout the Marathon they have flashbacks of when the contestants were much heavier, when they thought they'd never be able to do something like that. You know, stuff that will fill up 2 hours of TV time. Then, about half way through the Marathon they show the contestants meeting up with a former Biggest Loser contestant that runs with and encourages them for a little while.

Two out of the Four previous contestants were obese again! I was dumb founded..."Really?? REALLY?"

My husband shrugged, "What do you expect, they lost the weight too fast. They didn't know how to keep it off in everyday life."

I was still in shock. I mean, that is always what I shoot for. If people on the Biggest Loser can lose 10 pounds a week, dang it, I should be able to too! And maybe I could...but if people on the Biggest Loser gain their weight back...then I could do that too, especially if I don't learn how to maintain my healthy lifestyle...if I don't just lose 2 pounds a week.

So, yeh, wow.

For about 3 years now I have known that I am overweight and on some level I have been trying to lose it. For 3 years I have gotten really irritated whenever anyone said, "Oh, just lose 2 pounds a week. That is healthy, yada, yada, yada."

But if 3 years ago I would have had the realization that I did last night, if I would have listened to that advice rather than diet/binge/diet/binge, yoyoing back and forth...then I would be to my goal weight. No questions asked. Easy Peezy. I'd be there.

2 pounds a week? That means it will take approximately 7 months until I reach my goal weight (160 pounds).

For the first time I'm okay with that.

It is worth it.

For a lasting change.

This is so weird. Now people are going to hate me when I say...

"It is a very good goal to lose 2 pounds a week.
Take it from me,
I wasted 3 years being a skeptic."

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

BLC - Day 16

THIS HAS 750 CALORIES!!!

DO NOT DRINK IT!

IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!

TRUST ME,
I KNOW,
I DRANK ONE TODAY,
AND IT DIDN'T EVEN TASTE AS GOOD AS
A GRILLED PIECE OF CHICKEN AND VEGGIES

WHICH IS LESS CALORIES!!!!!!!!

LARGE STRAWBERRY SHAKE

(IN MY DEFENSE IT WAS FREE)

((BUT IT STILL WASN'T WORTH IT))

BLC - Day 15

I am so happy today. It is the beginning of a week, a fresh start. And I don't feel completely awful for anything that has happened in the past. I feel like I've really been growing this last couple of years of my life. I feel a sense of clarity, that I understand life is a process, an experience. And I'm so ready for it, everyday I'm ready, everyday I'm thankful and happy. It used to be that I was waiting, that I was depressed, dispondent, and dissapointed (the three Ds!) But now, more often than not, I feel like I am alive! That I'm not waiting anymore. I guess getting older really does have its perks, I mean, I am not doubting myself all the time.

Speaking of doubting, I am 99.99999999999% sure I didn't get a part in Cabaret. :( I'll be 100% sure tonight if they don't call.

And you know what?
That is okay. I can't say that I'm sad or disappointed I didn't get a part. I learned something even more valuable when I went to that audition. I learned singing is something I want to do. And not the way I used to do it, all competitive and needing people to think I was good so I felt better about myself. I feel good about myself all on my own now! I don't need anyone's approval.

I also know that I am not the most special amazing person in the world. That doesn't mean I don't like ME. I do! Even more now that I realize all that pressure is gone...I don't have to be perfect or the best singer. I can be me.

This has translated as me being more and more comfortable with my body. Do I want to lose weight? Uh, yeah! But I'm not going to let my current body keep me from doing the things I want to do, or feeling good. My poor husband, I keep strutting around saying, "Wow, I have a hott butt," or "Hey, feel how muscular my legs are!" Lol, but I can tell he likes it ;)

Well anyway, I don't really know what the point of this post was, mainly just to get on here today and get to typing.

Tonight I have another audition for a musical. I'm excited :) I'm going to go in there just to have fun! And who knows! Maybe I'll get a part.

Oh, and btw, I lost a pound last week. Woot!

Thanks for reading and have a good day.

BLC - Day 11, Yay Day Pay Day!

Oh pay day. It is the key to all wonderfullness. So often I feel myself waiting till payday. Isn't it unfortunant that so many things we want to do are impossable without money? Sigh. I'm not saying that money is all there is, but let's face it, it is a big chunk of the pie.

For example, healthy food. It cost $$$! Yesterday I went and bought $210 worth of healthy healthy food! Veggies and chicken, it is very expensive. I almost had a heart attack watching it all ring up. 'Surely it wont' be more than $150?' I thought. YEH RIGHT!

But then yesterday I realized that food is so worth the cost. My mom called me because her blood sugar was at 500!!!! My husband did some research on if it was even possible for blood sugar levels to get that high. Well it is, and when it does get that high then you can literally go blind over night, it is also very likely that your body is going to simply shut down..meaning death, literally. Freaking crazy!

I talked to my mom, and she said that it wasn't a big deal. She just had eaten a ton of absolute CRAP because she was about to have a root canal and was worried she wouldn't be able to eat for a while.

How many times have I done this? Maybe not to this extent, but I think that I won't be able to eat for a while so I binge. This was seriously life or death, and my mom was willing to give it up for a candy bar!? And how can I honestly be surprised, I can see me doing that under the same circumstances.

Food is a life or death thing, that is what it comes down to. My mom sent me an email asking for food advice. She asked if it was 'okay' to drink Diet Coke. No it isn't okay!! The stuff in most diet sodas causes CANCER!

Oh, you may be thinking that is HIGHLY unlikely. But let's say someone put a gun in your hand and said, there is only a 1 in 1,000,000 chance this gun will go off. So why don't you stick it in your mouth and pull the trigger? Would you do it? What if the gun was made out of chocolate? Would you do it then?

This may seem extreme, but I'd rather be extreme and NOT take the 1 in a 1,000,000 chance. I am worth more than that.

Wow, that is totally not where I meant that post to go, lol. But it feels good and right.

Thanks for reading, and have a good day! :)

BLC - Day 9, Going Places

So last night I watched the Biggest Loser, cried like a baby. Mainly when Sunshine was talking about how she really felt beautiful for the first time. It was also very touching, seeing all those people realize how far they'd come. It made me very grateful for how far I've come; physically and emotionally.

It also really motivated me to finish this. It is time to finish. It is time to move on from fretting about the weight, time to reach my goal. I'm ready, I'm ready for a final hard push and then maintenance. (I'm sure that will be an adventure in and of itself.)

It will only take a few months, if that. Counting calories, eating healthy, exercising daily. All of which make me feel great! And heck, I even enjoy them some times.

So here goes nothing...I'm resigned and ready to do this...

Have a great day, and thanks for reading :)

BLC - Day 9, Sexy Calves?

Yesterday went well. Had a good workout with Helen, who told me as she ran past, lol, that I have 'sexy calves'. Really???? Me???? I'm such a dork that this made me have a huge boost of confidence. Primarily since I HATE my calves. I never ever thought that anyone would compliment those. So, yeh, I went to bed feeling like hot sh*t :)...also ran/walked 3 miles and rode my bike about 3 or 4 miles. Of course then I got home and my husband had went and got pizza, sigh. But, in contrast to when I would have eaten 4-6 slices I only had two.

Today I have really been inspired. BLC stands for the Biggest Loser Challenge a friend and I started at work. Today was the last day to weigh in for week 2. Not everyone had a loss, but many of the 14 people who joined the competition did. It is so uplifting to see those who didn't get the loss they wanted persevere, and those who lost 3, 4, 5 pounds jump with joy! Working together like this really helps. I can feel it pushing me and making me aware of something I haven't been previously. That we are all beautiful, and the true journey is health.

In the spirit of this I am going to challenge myself the rest of the week. I've slacked slightly the last few days, especially in the food department. But I'm not going to let this challenge, this group, down. This is the plan stan...

Food:
Breakfast - Apple & a Banana
Snack - Yogurt
Lunch - Tuna & Orange
Snack - Slimfast (HEB Generic Brand)
Dinner - Chicken Breast & Veggies

If I'm working out hard I will keep some super healthy granola bars on hand.

But that is it. That is the menu until next Monday. Now I'm just hoping that I get paid tonight so I can buy all this good food in the morning, haha. Cross your fingers!

Have a great night and thank you for reading!

BLC - Day 8

Sorry I didn't update this weekend, but there just wasn't time. Here's a quick breakdown of what REALLY happened:::

Friday
5:00 p.m. - Ran/Walked 3 Miles
6:30 p.m. - 30 minutes Spinning

Saturday
7:00 a.m. - Lifted Weights (20 minutes)
8:15 a.m. - Zumba'd for 15 minutes
((I stopped because I was freaking out about the auditions, stupid emotions))
Then I spent all day outside and ate: 2 Hot Dogs, 1 Hamburger, 2 Energy Drinks, 1 Corn Dog, some Beaver Nuts, and a soda! Yuck, I felt ABSOLUTELY horrible after this!!

Sunday
6:00 a.m. - Ran/Walked 2.5 miles, Biked 8 miles
1:30 p.m. - Auditioned for Cabaret, and I was really happy with how it went. Now just got to wait and see if I get a part. Either way I'm happy.

So today I'm trying to eat better than I did this weekend, shouldn't be hard, lol. Tonight I'm going to ride my bike another 8 miles and run/walk at least 3 miles. Tomorrow morning I'll get up early, swim, maybe do some running and biking, lift weights....then tomorrow evening do the bike/run thing again. I want to do that every day this week if possible.

Ug, so blah today. Really just want to go sleep....but I know that exercising tonight will boost my energy, so I'm gonna do it! :) Then go home and watch Dancing w/the stars maybe.

Have a good day and thanks for reading!!

BLC - Day 5

Oh it's Friday, and I accidentally 'slept in' this morning. Meaning I didn't wake up at 4am like I wanted to. So, I'll have to workout this afternoon instead. I'm thinking of going for a run/jog/walk, lol. Also going to go hit the weights at lunch. And then, when I finally get home tonight, I'm going to jump on my spinning bike and watch Cabaret. So, it is a good plan. Now I gotta stick with it!

I am pretty psyched about this weekend. Here is the agenda:

Friday
5pm - Run/Walk
6pm - Maybe stop by Candice's House and rehearse Cabaret audition?
7pm - Spin and watch Cabaret! :)

Saturday
8am - Zumba with Rocio!
9am - Weight Lifting class maybe?
10am - Open Water Swimming w/Helen (yikes!)
5pm - Drive in Movies w/my hubby! :) Gonna see Iron Man 2 and How to Tame your Dragon (it is a double feature)

Sunday
6am - Duathlon w/Kyra (Gonna run 1 mile, ride bike for an hour, and run another mile)
1:30pm - Cabaret Audition (Eeee, excited and scared!)

Good plan, huh? I'm excited! Then Monday I have my second weigh in for the biggest loser. Crossing my fingers to see a loss...but I'm not that worried. I know I've had a great week. I'm doing what I love, talking to people about leading a healthy lifestyle all day long, and experiencing life! It is so great that I don't really care THAT much about the number on the scale. PLUS! I have blogged all week :) :) :) That makes me super happy.

Oh, and another thing that I am REALLY proud of this week? I stayed away from the candy jar that is only about 3 yards away from me. Didn't get anything out of it! Not once!

Woohoo! Everyone have a great weekend and thanks for reading!!!

BLC - Day 4

So, day 4 of the Biggest Loser Challenge. Things are going good, though yesterday ended up being a little embarrassing. You see, I was being all hard core and didn't eat anything after 10a.m. I just didn't have anything healthy on hand. But, I still wanted to go on this bike ride after work. My energy was low so I took a B12 vitamin and headed out the door with a few friends. Not only was it 90+ degrees outside, but the sun was bright, and the people I was riding with were averaging a higher speed than I usually do...especially on such low energy.


So, we are going along. 10 Miles in we stop to discuss our route. So we are standing there, on a busy street corner and I'm thinking, 'wo, I'm dizzy'...then a couple of seconds later I think 'wo, I think I'm gonna throw up'...

To be safe I decide to voice my concerns, "Hey guys, hate to do this, but I'm really dizzy.."

Then I start to see this big black spot in my vision. Yep, time to get OFF the bike, sat down, and realized I was a freaking idiot for doing this with no fuel.

But, a valuable lesson learned. In the journey of weight loss, we often think food is the enemy. However, when you are on a journey to a healthy life you realize that the right food is a part of it, an ally, not the enemy to be excluded. It makes me realize that I would rather have the energy to do the things I LOVE, than to be thin and sit around the house all day not eating.

Oh epiphanys, they are so much fun! :)

Today is my hubby's birthday, so I am taking off the day from exercise. I'm sure I need it. I mean, I've been working out hard core and dieting hard core all week. I'm gonna give myself a day of relaxation! Then tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'll be at the gym. Hopefully with a burst of energy from my day off.

I hope everybody has a great day today.

Remember to fuel your body for the journey you are on!

Thanks for reading

BLC - Day 3 Part 2

I've just got to put some of this stuff out there that my friend Kimberly sent to me today...

Some of us are skinny but not healthy. Some people spend their lives trying to be thin but are already healthy and others spend their lives trying to be healthy.

not all body types are built to be tiny and fragile. You are built to be a strong beautiful frame. You are healthy and active and you glow. You should go out for that part. You have an amazing voice and personality. I think you would be awesome in the roll!

I'm being honest. A lot of women get so wrapped up in losing weight and trying to be some ideal weight instead of trying to be an ideal weight for the frame and so forth and striving to be healthy and active. Other's get wrapped up in beautification of one sort or another. None of them stop to realize that real every day women are all very different and not one of them is perfect. We ALL have something we don't like about ourselves. If we would learn to love the good parts of ourselves instead of hating the bad parts, body image would go through the roof!

Girl, one day you need to stop and really look deep down inside yourself through your own eyes while looking in a mirror. Look at how your skin glows. Look at how alert your eyes are. Look at how healthy in general you look. Then look at how active you are and how far you push yourself physically (which i am extrememly impressed with by the way).

Well it is assumed that us smaller gnomes have it easy when we shop. We don't. Or that we all eat perfectly (which we all know is not true in most cases, me...case in point).

We should all love and accept ourselves like our closest loved ones do. The world would be happier.

Sorry my inner motivator and life coach is coming out. Ooops. lol

I just hate that us women are so conditioned to judge ourselves so harshly.

I of course will stand behind you losing weight and striving for excellence, but make sure you don't lose sight of how beautiful you already are. Ok I am done, stepping off my soap box now. lol

Thanks for getting on your soap box Kimberly, I needed that more than you know.

BLC - Day 3

Day 3, doing good!

This morning I:
Swam 30 Minutes
Ran/Walked 10 Minutes
Weight Lifted 20 Minutes

I wish I could have run longer, but I ran out of time. Lol, 'ran' out of time, literally.

I'm getting stressed about the Cabaret audition. It is just nerves, but this morning I woke up freaking out, thinking I was getting a fever blister from the stress. But I'm not, so now I just need to CALM DOWN. I need CONFIDENCE!

Oh man, this is soooo true:

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

I keep trying to build my confidence, to seize my doubt and just decide to not care, to go balls to the wall (so to speak). Usually I don't have such a hard time with this. But for some reason, this has really got me.

I'm not going to let my doubt bring me down.
That is what I will keep telling myself until I believe it.

BLC - Day 2

Sigh, man, I have had this window open all day meaning to blog, but it has been CRAZY busy at work. I was about to close the window and thought, 'Nope, I can take a moment to blog.'

So today is day 2 of our biggest loser challenge and I'm feeling pretty good. Have eaten reasonably all day and done the following exercise:

25 minutes run/walk
25 minutes stationary biking
20 minutes weight lifting
20 minutes swimming

I'd like to do some more tonight, but we'll see what kind of energy I have when I get home. I do want to watch the biggest loser, and I have no excuse not to ride my spinning bike while I watch it. So might tack on another 30-60 minutes spinning. All in all, a good exercise day.

Met up with a friend named Heidi today to talk about Triathlon stuff. She has done an Iron Man and lots of other amazing stuff. She gave Helen and I lots of good pointers about the Triathlon on May 31st. It is getting scary because man is it getting real!

I was really thinking about the Cabaret auditions last night and this morning. I didn't sleep well because I was stressing out over it. But here is what I've decided, and it makes me feel much better. Nothing I do right now is going to make me get or not get the part I want. It is all up to those casting people. All I can do is going into that audition and bring it. While I want the part, if I don't get it now, hey, maybe the opportunity will come along again. And that time I will physically be ready as much as I am mentally/vocally.

Just realizing that all I can do is put my best foot forward on Sunday made me feel a lot better. It is a lot like weight loss. I cannot choose right now to have a thin/healthy body. What I can do is choose to make the right decisions today. The exact outcome of how I will look, etc, is out of my control. Every day I eat healthy, every day I bring it, makes me truly happy. It is so often I get to the point of accomplishment and it is not as thrilling as I thought it would be. That is when I realize that it was all about the experience. When I finished the MS150 it wasn't about the finish....it was the experience that had me so wowed, the during, the hills, the horses running in the fields along with the bikers, the sun peeking through a cloud. I hope that I can share that with other people, share the exhilaration when I cross the finish line...but in the end that experience is unique. It is what is truly worth celebrating. Meeting a group of women with the same goals, having friends that encourage you to make healthy choices, fitting into a new pair of pants...It is exciting! What am I going to do with myself once I reach this goal that I've set for myself? I act like it is the end, but I don't want it to end. Lately my husband has been complaining a bit that I am never home. He wants to know if I'll be home more after the Triathlon. The answer might be 'no'. I want to continue striving, making my way, experiencing new things. It truly is all about the experience and process...It sounds cheesy to read and hear that from other people, but when you have that epiphany yourself it is ground breaking.

Okay, I could go on like this forever, lol. Hope everyone had a great day and thanks for reading :)

BLC - Day 1

Today is the first day of the biggest loser challenge at work. It is going great! Almost everyone has weighed in and at lunch we had a 'meeting' and almost everyone came! There were numbers exchanged, workout buddies made, tips and inspirational stories shared. We have a wide spectrum of people who joined, even a couple of women who maybe have 10 pounds to lose. I think we might meet again next Monday to see how everyone is doing.

Ah, it feels good to be inspired again. It feels good to meet people that have the same goals as me.

This morning I got up and went to the gym. Here is what I did.
20 minutes run/walk (10min walk, 10 min run)
20 minutes weight lifting
10 minutes stationary biking
10 minutes swimming

It felt great to work out. I applied some tips Helen gave me to swimming, and I felt like I was going much faster! Me going fast? I know, it is an oxymoron. But really, it felt like I was. I really want to workout again tonight. I have a treadmill and spinning bike at home. Maybe I'll do a duathlon and run 1 mile, bike 30 minutes and then run again. :) That would be fun!

Thanks for reading :)