Are you ever going to blog again?
I honestly haven't had the answer, so, I simply didn't answer her. But here I am, yes, I'm blogging again. There is no point describing how I've fallen off the horse. I think we all know how that goes. My sister's comment did remind me that people are watching. Unfortunently, that is not always enough motivation. I'm good at not finishing things. I know that if you just don't say anything about your failure that people will eventually stop asking. They don't you or themselves to feel awkward about it. I pretty much was doing that. I kept asking myself, "Ug, why did you tell everyone you were starting this blog? Now they all expect something.."
But is that such a bad thing? Expectations? I should have the highest expectations of myself most often. I just hate telling people about them in case I fail. And I feel like a failure. I know I've lost a LOT of weight. I know I look way better than I used to. I know I am a lot healthier. I know, I know, I know...but I don't really believe it.
The only thing in the world that will cement that fact in my mind is the scale. I got on it this morning, it wasn't good. It keeps saying the wrong thing. I know why, I've been eating absolute crap even though I've still been exercising.
It still seems wrong though, what the scale says. The manufactorers got it wrong. It isn't supposed to tell you your fat, it is supposed to say...
You ARE going to lose 50+ pounds!
Congrats, you are going to change your life today!
You've lost .2 pounds! Yay!
You look hot!
Sexy momma.
Good job, go have morning sex.
People are going to notice your success today.
It is possible! You're proving it.
Make the right choice and you will succeed!
See, that is what those numbers mean. That is what the scale should say in my mind instead of; fat, gross, hopeless, impossible, still so far to go.
Today I want to make the right choices. I started by blogging. Because I don't want to not finish this. It is my life to live as I will. And I will live it as a healthy and happy person. No matter how the scale tolls.
I feel a bit like a failure, too.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back.
Listen- you can do this. You've got to make up your mind what it is you truly want, because you can only go so long lying to yourself- if you really want this, and I think you do, then you will give it everything you have.
ReplyDeleteYou have what it takes, I KNOW you do. I am right here with you- you have owned up to it, now think of this time as being something that was necessary for this process to run it's course.
Be the person you ARE. :)