Mirror mirror, the MS150, and My Readers

Yesterday I wrote a little blurb about how I hate looking in the mirror right now. Well, after I wrote that something AMAZING happened! Yesterday after work I went to the gym, did 10 minutes on the elliptical, and then went to a strength training class. Talk about mirrors, that class has three walls of mirror, and I got stuck in the front of the class. Full frontal view of me working my butt off, oh yeh. But now for the amazing part! I was happy to look at myself!! I thought I looked, pretty good. Yeh, yeh, yeh, that nagging voice in my head keeps saying, "You still have a ways to go." Well, today I'm telling that voice to "Shut the F&%# up!" ((excuse my language)). I DID look good. I even looked, dare I say, pretty. It was so nice to see not a morbidly obese girl, just a kind of over weight girl, lol. Not to mention the class was really awesome! I'm gonna start doing that on Wednesday instead of regular weight lifting in the morning.

And THEN ((actually before this, but you get the point)), a coworker sent me a totally unprompted message saying that I looked really good in a meeting earlier that day. She said I have really pretty cheek bones :) <----just imagine that smiley with big pretty cheek bones plz!

And THEN another amazing thing happened...I stopped worrying about weigh day this Friday. Well full stop may be an exageration, but I certainly don't care as much. I am full aware that I may have put on some muscle the last couple of weeks from increased swimming and weight lifting. But I can SEE the difference! The weight will come off in its own time.

OMG, I sound crazy with all this logicalness! :) :) :)

Okay, moving on....Yesterday I sent out an email to friends/family/coworkers telling them I have signed up for the MS150 (A bike ride from Houston to Austin, Texas to raise money for multiple sclerosis.) When you sign up for this bike ride you are required to raise at least $400 before the ride. I hate asking for money, but I don't really have $400 to throw at this, especially since I need to spend money on a road bike to do it. Amazingly (lots of amazings yesterday, I know) in the first day after sending out this email I am already 40% of the way to my goal of $400! People are being so generous. And beyond generosity it makes me realize that they believe in me! Not to mention now I really have to do it since people are putting money towards it, lol. Feel free to look at my MS150 Page!

Last but not least I really just want to thank anyone who stops by and reads my blog. To those who comment and even those who don't, knowing that you are watching and support me really helps to keep me accountable. This is the most I've ever talked about my dieting attempts, and the most honest I've ever been. I think it is really making a difference.

Okay, today I'm taking a rest day and fast day. I am really tired and sore, and I want to give my body a day to adjust. Tomorrow is weigh day! I'm honestly just hoping to see a 4 lb weight loss, since it has been two weeks since I have weighed in. That will put me at a very special marker...a total weight loss of 80 pounds. Well, stop by tomorrow to see if I've made it.

I hope everyone has a great day!

Slept late, but...

I needed it. Yesterday I did push myself. I went swimming for 20 minutes in the morning. Very lite and very nice cardio. Then in the afternoon I ended up doing a 60 minute pilate class w/my newest bud Kyra and then drove like a bat of hell to 24 hour fitness for a spin class w/Helen. I did not do all that on an empty stomach, opting instead to eat half an energy bar before pilates. But man, was I ever tired.

That pilates class really surprised me. I am definitely sore today. It is one of the healthiest 'sores' I've ever felt though. It isn't pain really, I just feel like my body is getting stronger.

The teacher of the class was really cool. She was foreign, and when ever she would say exhale she said, "Excel!" Kind of funny, huh? You can either take that to mean she is talking about a spreadsheet or that she is saying "Excel at that plank!"

Spinning was also great. It was my favorite instructor from forever ago, and I think Helen liked it too. I was a bit tired so I didn't push it as much as I would have liked to in spin, but I'm pretty sure I still burned a lot of calories.

So yeh, sleeping in this morning, was a good idea. And it really wasn't sleeping in. I went to bed around 10, waking up at 6 is eight hours of sleep. Just sucks that I don't have time to go for a swim this morning. But I'll definitely go tomorrow.

Today is probably going to be a long day. I have SOOOO much to do at work because it is my last week before I start training the new person. Plus the other secretaries want to go out to eat today. I suggested Luby's because they kind of have some healthy choices. But everyone else wants to go to Perry's Steakhouse. I can't find any nutritional information on this place. So, I'm just going to have to be extra careful. They supposedly make very good pork chops, so I'll probably get one of those and eat maybe half of it, and skip the mashed potatoes that come with everything there.

For breakfast this morning I tried some super low cal high fiber hot cereal. And I have to say it is pretty yucky. Even after putting some banana, strawberry, milk & sugar in it I can't finish the bowl. I might eat the other half of that energy bar for breakfast.

For exercise today I'm about to do a bit of yoga to stretch myself out of this soreness, then at 4 today I'm going to go for a run, and at 5 Helen has invited me to a strength training class. I've been to one of these classes before and didn't like it. Mainly because my upper body is SOOOOO weak! But, I have been getting a lot more muscular lately, so who knows. I may surprise myself, and as Helen pointed out, "That is why you go to the class!" True, true.

One last thing, then I'll stop droaning on :)

I just hate looking in the mirror right now. It is like I just see every imperfection, especially when I'm in my birthday suit. And I'm trying so hard. It takes time though, and I know it is worth it. One day I will look in the mirror and finally see what I'm improving. But for right now I'm just trying not to look. I'm so tired of seeing fat rolls, stretch marks, and cellulite staring back at me :(

But damn it! I'm gonna change!! :) See there, I am going out on a positive note. Have a great day everyone.

Tuesday, no Monday, what the heck day is it!?!?!?

Yesterday being an off work day has made me feel kind of topsy turvy. I did do good yesterday...Had a piece of homemade pizza for breakfast (200 Calories), a big and delicious grilled chicken salad w/tea and just a couple of chips & queso (gonna round this up to 600 calories). For dinner I had rice, chicken and brussel sprouts (it was originally going to be couscous, but somehow I messed up the couscous. Honestly, who does that?). I also went for a run/walk for 45 minutes, then went to the gym and did about 15 minutes of weight lifting. I wanted to swim but there were two people in every lane, so I didn't get to. Pretty good for a day that I didn't have the routine of work to depend on.

Yesterday Aaron and I went and looked at road bikes (Aaron is my hubby, not sure if I ever mentioned his name.) It was so COOL! I found one at Sun & Ski Sports that was $850, a little out of my price range, but that thing was so pretty and light and it made my heart flutter. After doing some research online and talking to Aaron's brother (who is a road bike fanatic), we found a bike online that is sold at another store that is comparable for only $650. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get that on 2/1. I am so excited to get a road bike. I want to travel down lonely stretches of road, listening to music, pushing myself, and watching the world go by. It gives me goose bumps.

Another cool thing is that Aaron's brother was super excited that I was doing the MS150!!! ((There will be a more extensive post on this later)) He even said that if a spot opens up on his team he'll let me know. His team is sponsored by a beer brewery, so yeh, they get a lot of free alcohol on the trip. So yeh, that would be freaking awesome!!

Today is a fast day. I was REALLY tempted to break my routine of Tuesday/Thursday's being fast days...but I know that is a dangerous thing to do. Plus this week I want to be extra good. There is no escaping the scale this Friday (So Candy, be ready at 6a.m.!!) I need to stick with my routine, and push it.

I realized this weekend that I really need, and even want, to push myself harder. I still have a long way to go, but that kind of makes me excited! I get to experience the process of getting better at so many things! When you think about it, is there any better feeling than accomplishing something? Well, I have to start out somewhere to accomplish anything, and here I am!!

So today I am going to push it with some cardio. Don't worry, if I feel light headed I'll eat. I don't want to pass out or anything. But I'm going to head to the gym for a little bit of swimming, because I know I have a long way to go with that.

Have a good Monda....er, I mean TUESDAY!!

Realizations, It's still a long way to go...

This weekend I went to Waco. I consider that area of Texas my 'home', the place I grew up, and the place I don't ever want to live in again. Usually, when I'm driving the four hours to get there, I go through an array of emotions. I guess the best way to describe it is that I feel like I'm transforming back into the way I 'was', the Olivia everyone used to know, the 'pleasing' child that everyone still expects. At least, I feel like they do. But this trip was different. I felt stronger as I drove mile after mile. This is something that has never happened before. It was unfamiliar stomping ground, going to Waco and feeling like myself. I won't rehash every emotional feeling I experienced while there, but this one was very important.

I said some goodbyes in Waco this time. Goodbyes to my old self. I know now that I will never see her again. Saturday morning I got up and went for a walk/run. On the way back I went down the street where I grew up. I passed by my old best friend Lindzy's house. There were some random cars in the driveway, and I wondered if they had any idea that Lindzy's grandma used to live there. I also saw my grandparents house. That made me tear up a lot, as it always does. The simplicity of childhood is something I'll always miss, but I do now realize that I would never want to return to the ignorance of it. Where everyone can easily lie to you, manipulate you...and that realization brought into perspective the sweet memories of my grandparents; picking strawberries with my grandma on the side of the house, my grandpa in his chair...I knew that I needed to do something I hadn't done since I was a child.

So the next day my mother and I went to their grave site. It was very peaceful there, but that was all. There was no lingering spirit of my Nana or Papa. They were gone. To where? I don't know. But the fact that they had moved on was testament enough that I needed to. It is like following tracks in the woods and suddenly they stop and now you have to choose your own direction. I was looking for Nana & Papa, but they went on a trail that I haven't seen yet, so now I have to make my own. It is up to me...and that is liberating.

This weekend wasn't just full of somber moments :) I went swimming w/Tootie twice and had a blast. She has really got the swimming thing down, but I am confident I will get there. She gave me some great tips, and I am really gonna work on it so that next time I see her she will be able to tell a difference. I also fit into a pair size 14 capris! I've fit into a 14 before, but the material in the pants were kind of stretchy. These capris were not stretchy at all and they fit! Yay. I really want to push it this week so that when I go to buy clothes next weekend I can buy all 14s. I don't ever want to see a size 16 again!!!!

I saw a lot of family this weekend. Most of them said, "Wow, you look good!" I can't really take all those to heart, because I don't know how many of them were influenced by my mom saying, "Livi's lost weight! Make sure and say something."

This is weird but sometimes it frustrates me when people say I look good, because it feels like they think it is the end. I want to wave my arms and say, "Hey, I'm not done yet! You ain't seen the last of this!" But no one in my family, at least very few of them, seem to understand. I guess I can't even explain it here on my blog...I want to reach my goal, and this isn't it.

Sigh...we did take pictures. I honestly don't want to post them because they are what made me realize I still have such a long way to go. But I have to look at it in a way that I am leaving even that Olivia in Waco. I won't see her again. And when I go back I will take others and it will be a totally different person looking back. So here goes...

(FYI - these were taken with one of those under water camera's so I'm sorry the quality was so low.)

Me and Tootie (I'm on the left)

I really don't know what I'm doing in this picture, lol

This is the one I didn't want to post. I mean, neither of us are looking exactly elegant in this pose, but crap. I don't want to be the chubby girl anymore. But, if I'm honest with myself I know I used to be even bigger than this. Still, I'll be revisiting this pose when I'm skinnier, and instead of looking dorky fat, I'll look dorky cute like Tootie. Okay, enough beating up on myself...

Tootie & Tim, her husband.

My nieces, Erin and Alex. Aren't they so adorable in their little swim caps?? :)

Lol.

Tim attempting to save his woman.

In this picture I can see the family resemblance, kinda, lol.

Me looking awesome!

Alright, so this weekend wasn't bad. I got in some good exercise, and I think on Friday and Saturday I had calorie deficits. Not too shabby. But, I'm really ready to make this week a killer. Especially since next week I start my new job, next weekend I get to go clothes shopping, and I have just found out some friends may be coming in from out of town.

Let's make it happen people!! :)

Very very very quick post.

Things are good, don't really have much time to post though :) I'll definitely post more when I get home tomorrow...but I've kept my word and posted.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Updates

Yay! It is Friday and I think I am finally over being a negative whinny biotch! :) My alarm went off at 3:30 a.m. and I jumped out of bed raring to go!! You know what is odd to me? Yesterday was a fast day, and I made it, but I was bored all day so it was very difficult not to eat (see what I did there? I realized I wasn't hungry, I was just bored. Ah yeh, I'm learning to recognize the whys)...so all day I was REALLY wanting some food. Then this morning when I got up, well you might think I'd binge or something, but nope. I was almost not hungry at all. Just thought that was interesting.

So it is Friday. You'll notice that little box to the right where it says 2010 Weigh Ins, but I have made the executive decision to not weigh today. Booooooo Hissssssss! I have done good this week, but I am experiencing something that can often cause bloating, etc. I know I have to learn to deal with this kind of thing. I mean, not every week is going to have some big loss. But, I can't really afford to go into some depressed downward spiral right now. Especially since I am going to visit my mom this weekend who will inevitably say, "You aren't eating enough," or worse yet she'll cook 'healthy'. It is healthy because the butter melts into the chicken and you can't see it btw...only unhealthy if it is fried. Lol. I think that it may be a good self control lesson to myself not to weigh today because I was seriously having the desire to go buy my own scale yesterday. I was working out the logistics like, "I wonder if I can find a scale just like Candy's so it will be accurate..but she won't want me to buy one so I can't ask her where she got it...but it is a nicer one so I bet she got it at Target, not Wal-mart.." And so on, and so on. See people, I really do have a problem with the scale. Maybe waiting another week to weigh in is a good thing, plus I'll hopefully have a loss by then and that is always fun :)

This weekend I am going to Waco, Texas. Woohoo! The black hole of Texas as I like to call it. I'm excited, especially since I get to see my sister Tootie and take a swimming lesson with her. Pics will be posted. Maybe they will motivate me to keep swimming because she has a great body. I am worried though. My mom has assured me we will eat healthy all weekend. But my mom has never counted calories. She thinks she is doing good with eating a salad covered in ranch dressing. All I can do is my best though. I will just have to practice really good portion control. I was also thinking of volunteering to make us dinner Saturday night or something. Maybe make one of those Veggie pizzas I made the other day. Hmmmm.....good idea! I think I'll try it :D

I am so psyched about next week. The rain is supposed to go away and it is supposed to be in the 60s! Yay! There is the Texas I know and love! That also means that I have no more excuses not to be running more. And I neeeeeeed to run more! My goal is going to be to run 3 miles Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday. I know I can do this!!

So, today I am due to do a Perfect 10 Challenge Update. I'm sorry to say I haven't really improved much on my goals since last weeks update :( I have been doing more crunches, but that was only 100 crunches three days of the week. Sleep has also been lacking the last couple of days because my husband has really wanted to talk to me when he comes to bed. I may have to talk to him about that, because I can really feel a difference when I just get 6 hours of sleep as opposed to 8. This next week I am determined to really kick it up on the challenge. 2/10 weeks are already gone! Feels like we just started yesterday!

And here is the part where I post something that not everyone knows about me..Hmmmm....

I have never been, and have no desire to go, on a roller coaster!

I want to sky dive, but for some reason this terrifies me to no end, lol.

Alright, well i have already spent way more time on here than I intended. I still need to pack for my trip. I will REALLY try to update my blog on Saturday, but I can't make any promises. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

((Woops! Forgot to say how I'm doing of on my 21 day habit changing goal of becoming more sassy by spending some time every morning and some extra time every week to groom and get pretty. I'm happy to say that I've now made it 12 days without stopping!! Very excited to be forming this new habit, and every day I'm rewarded by compliments and my husband saying he can't stand it if I get any prettier :) Oh well, he'll just have to learn to deal with it.))

Batman

So, yesterday's post was so pissy and I feel so bad for bringing all that negativity up in this blog, and even though I still feel kind of 'off' and a little sick...well, I'm gonna post something positive! AND I might even post again tonight if I feel like it!! Take that BRAIN for making me be all crazy!

Or maybe I should be blaming my ovaries? But seeing as there are no fun cartoon ovaries, sorry brain, you are taking the heat for my malfuncations.

So, on to the title of my post...

Da na na na na na na na,

Da na na na na na na na,

Da na na na na na na na,

Batman!

Lol, okay, I hope that song is in everyone's head for the rest of the day :) This morning I was getting ready for the shower and I was inspecting my progress in the mirror while wearing the best suit for the job, my birthday suit. This is always a dangerous idea, because I usually spot the areas I still want improvement in. But today, I saw something that surprised me.

My batwings are getting small!!!!

You know what I'm talking about ladies, and probably gents. That flap on your arm, that you can shake around, like a wing, lol. I used to gain some air from those suckers. But today I noticed that the hangy down flab only goes about half way down my upper arm and then my arm is smaller than it was. Not to mention the bat wing that is left is smaller too.

Dang weight loss, now I'll never be able to fly!!

Lol, just kidding. I am very happy, and I am also very excited because I'm going to start spending some extra time on my arms when doing strength training. Maybe someday I really will be able to wear a sleeveless shirt! I always said I would, but I didn't really ever think I could.

Okay, so here is to today being better than the last. Have a good one all!