Yesterday I did good...I at within my calorie limit of 1500 calories, I went for two 20 min walks at work, I lifted weights for an hour, I ran half a mile...I still feel fat :( Just gotta keep going.

It will come off, it will come off, it will!

So, last night at my part time job I was talking to this guy and he was like, "How come all the girls are either really pretty and stupid...or they're smart and ugly? Isn't there some median?"

I laughed and said, "Duh, me!"

He just looked at me and didn't say anything. I know I'm not completely stupid, so that must mean I'm ugly. I would rather be stupid honestly...

Fat = Ugly :(

I really cannot wait for the day I get hit on. Knowing me I probably won't realize it is happening...sigh.

1/21

Mark Twain:

"Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man,
but coaxed downstairs a step at a time."

Motivation pic of the day:

Today's Goals:
Consume 1200 calories or less
Drink 8 bottles of water

--------------------------------------------
Breakfast:
Fruit Bowl - 208 Calories
(Cantaloupe, Grapes, Pineapple, Honey Dew, Cottage Cheese)
Coffee - 85 Calories
(2 creamers, 5 Sweet n' Lows)
1 Bottle of Water

Lunch:
3 Chicken Salad Rolls w/Sweet Chile Sauce - 580 Calories
2 Bottles of Water
Snack:
Skittles Fun Size - 80 Calories


Dinner:
Michelina Lean Gourmet Chicken Club Flatbread - 280 Calories

5 Bottles of Water

Calorie Total - 1233 Calories
--------------------------------------------

Ramblings:

So, today I'm going to try and start a new format to my blog. As you can see, it is going to be a motivational quote, a motivational picture, my goals, what I have eaten, and then me talking, lol. Per the always good example of my best bud Candy, I'm gonna try to keep this up for 21 days and make a habit of it.

I am FINALLY feeling somewhat motivated. Unfortunately, until I have my own car I may not be able to work out as much as I like...but, that doesn't mean I can't eat healthy and make some kind of difference. So, when I can't work out I'm going to try and keep my calories to 1200 or less. That should keep me at a deficit of 1000 calories (loss of 2 pounds a week).

So, it has occurred to me multiple times that it is all mental! And I can conquer my brain. I am really good at turning my brain off and controlling myself...usually. But, when it comes to food, that is the one thing. It is my kryptonite. Why is that? It drives me crazy that I don't have control of it. Is it really that hard to just not desire food? How sad is it that I live every day of my life, not paycheck to paycheck, but meal to meal?? It really does make me sick to think about. I hate when something has control of me, and that food has control of me REALLY bothers me. How much time do we spend daily thinking about, preparing, and eating food? How much other stuff could I get done if I didn't spend so much time on it? Beyond weight loss I really want to have control of my body's need for food. I don't want to starve or anything...but I want to have control enough so that my physical demands do not touch my emotional thoughts. I want it to be like going to the bathroom...I feel a sensation...I eat...I don't keep pushing trying to eat more...I just do what I need to do and get out of there. Lol, hopefully that makes some kind of sense.

I had a great lunch today with Jennifer. I got the coolest fortune in my fortune cookie...

"Don't pursue happiness -- create it."

I like that :)...maybe I should use the numbers from it to play the lotto tonight, lol.

Something else, Aaron and I are going to look at two prospective cars tonight. One is a 1995 Geo Metro and one is a 1999 Hyundai Accent. Neither will be very exciting cars to drive, but they are both super cheap ($850 max) and they both get great mpg (35 mpg +). So, if they are in half way decent condition I will probably buy one. If I do I will have enough money to buy a body bugg! :) That would make me so happy. I will also invest in some new running shoes, and then put the rest of the excess money in the bank, pay off a credit card, or something smart. Or maybe I will do the not smart thing and buy a roof rack, lol.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have a car and be posting about how awesome of a workout I had in the morning because I got up at the break of done and went to the gym :) Hopefully I'll be buying a Body Bugg tomorrow. Cross your fingers everyone! And have a great night!

In this, my 26th year...

I will reach my goal weight.
I will learn to surf.
I will ride in the MS150.
I will run a 5K race.
I will go back to school.
I will audition for Cabaret.
I will go on a vacation.
I will take a girlie day every month & get a manicure/pedicure.
I will explore my spiritual/religious beliefs, and will be open & honest about them.
I will start a scrapbook.
I will go to a club (with Candice).
I will dye my hair blond.
I will sky dive.
I will go camping.
I will start to learn a new language.
I will take a dance class.
I will get Aaron a really cool birthday gift.
I will plant a garden.
I will dress up for the Renaissance Festival.
I will take a camping kayaking trip.
I will dress up for Halloween.
I will autocross.
I will go to the drag strip and drive the 1/4 mile.
I will take off one weekend without an agenda, and just go.
I will watch the launch of a space shuttle.
I will make love in a public place.
I will tell someone off...I mean really, tell them off.
I will get a tattoo.

Shout out to my girl Candy...

So, I have to give a shout out to my girl Candy. We just went for a walk, and I did not even recognize her when she was coming towards me. It reminds me of when I first met her, when I was intimidated to talk to her...cuz yeh, she's got it going on. You can tell she has lost some weight, and man...that attitude! (I mean attitude in a good way). The confidence is just unreal.

I have no doubt that this is the time she is really gonna make it all the way to her goal in September. We have started and stopped a couple times...but this time is different. I can see it in her face that SHE believes in herself too.

You are such an inspiration girl. Hope you don't mind me posting this, but EVERYBODY should know how great you are :)

Slug

Today I feel like a big fat slug....ug


Why can't I get back into it. Why am I not motivated???? I keep giving myself excuses. Ug, I know I can do this...I've come this far...none of this is working...ug.

I'm not even a cute slug like the one below :( He kind of reminds me of my boxer Rex, lol.

172 Days

You may have noticed that I added a gadget to my blog that is a countdown until the 9th of May next year. On that date I will audition for a musical called Cabaret. If you've ever seen this musical, you probably already know that the cast members run around naked half the entire time, haha. Not only am I auditioning for the musical, I'm going to audition for the lead female role. It is a very sexy and sensual part. I've got to be comfortable with my body. So...you can probably see why in 172 days I REALLY need to be very close to my goal weight.





I'm shooting for 156 pounds.
Now what does that mean, plan wise?

Goals - to lose 2 pounds per week.
In order to do that I will need to have a 1000 calorie deficit.

So, daily I will need to consume ~1500 calories and I will need to burn approximately 250 calories through exercise.

This goal is attainable, and it really lightens the stress on me. Too often I feel like I need to rush. I end up barely eating, and then I binge. Or I get disappointed in my results...then I binge again.

SO I've decided to do something radical. I'm going to throw away my asshole (mine and candy's affectionate term for my scale). Or, at least, it will be finding a new home with Candy for a while. I have to get my mind off the numbers, at least weight wise. I need to focus on how I feel and sticking to my nutritional goals. So, candy, if you are reading this...I'm bringing my scale up tomorrow and you are keeping it until...well, i don't know when, lol. Use your better judgment :)

So far today, I've had 666 calories (yikes! scary number)...that means I can eat another 834 calories. This should be super easy since I'm going to a salad bar for lunch, and then tonight I work at Best Buy (AKA-won't be eating again today).

This morning when I woke up my shins were killing me after running yesterday...so I opted to stay in bed and sleep until 7:30, haha. The cool thing is I clocked how far I ran yesterday...it was a whole mile! That doesn't sound too impressive to type, but man, it really made me happy. I really think I can get up to running 3 miles by 1/1/2010.

Okay, well, I should probably do some work. Thanks for reading :)

ug

Indian food for lunch...at least I stayed away from the rice and stuff...only ate meat...still feel like a failure...ug!

....


So I'm coming back and editing this message, because you know what? If I think I'm a failure than I am a failure. I'm so sick of the attitude that if I screw up I have to wait until the next day to fix it...or the next week...or the next month...

I'm living now so I can fix it now...or at least as soon as I get off work, haha. :) I really didn't eat that bad, and if I run tonight...well, then I am NOT going to feel bad about it!!

So there...yeh...