Weigh In Wednesdays?

So last night I found myself watching The Biggest Loser again. Funny how that always works out. I really don't mean to watch it so often, but last night I wasn't feeling good so I took the night off and laid in bed with a bowl of cheese puffs and a mountain dew. (How's that for honesty? lol)

As always, watching The Biggest Loser made me start thinking about weight loss and health, and ways to lose weight, and the psychology of it all. Two things really stuck out in my head above everything else I thought about.

1. I still really want to lose weight. 2. I don't want to define my worth by how much weight I lose.

I still really want to lose weight, that is all there is to it. I know it isn't going to be fast. I don't really want it to be. I just want to get there eventually. Maybe by 2012 maybe by 2013. Just eventually I'd like to see myself below 160. You see, I'm really trying not to set these super awesome goals that make a bad day seem like a huge failure. I would just like to gradually snake my way down there.

Things that help me remember not to freak out about my weight are that I'm already married with a husband that loves me. I don't have to attract anyone else. Would it be nice to have a guy take a second glance? Hell yeh! But it isn't necessary. Sometimes, and this makes me feel like a bit of a bad wife, that is my PRIMARY reason for wanting to lose weight. I want men to be attracted to me. I guess it is one of those basic animalistic desires...to be wanted. Anyway, getting over this will actually help a lot.

Also, as I've addressed before, I need to stop constantly seeking people's approval and thinking their affirmation will make me happy or more valuable. I won't go on and on about that, because I've addressed it before.

I don't want to define my worth by how much weight I lose. Sorry, I've gotta dog on The Biggest Loser a bit here. I just get so tired of the emphasis they put on LOSING the weight. Last night when they were doing the weigh in almost all of the people were in tears over losing five pounds or even nine pounds saying things like, "I hope this is a big enough number to make me valuable to my team."

Well doesn't that just say it all? That is how I feel a lot of the time. I know I'm not on any team and I know no friend is going to disown me because I haven't lost the weight I have set out to lose. But I certainly feel like I base much of my value on how much I've lost.

Confession time:

I originally lost 80 pounds. Now I've gained some back. Now I've only lost 45 pounds.

That is SO hard to say. I am even now thinking subconsciously, "I hope people skip this post. I hope they don't read it so they don't see that." I placed so much value on the fact that I'd lost 80 pounds! It felt sooo good. How can I renig? How can I go back? People won't look at me the same way!

Oh it is so stupid, and I KNOW that. But it is an emotion I have to look in the face and deal with if I ever want to change it.

Goals are never ending. We cannot expect that reaching a goal will make us any happier than we are when we are trying to reach it. Because once you reach a goal you have a whole other set of goals. Think about it? When will you be done? After you buy a car? No, because then you want a house with a garage to store it in. After the house? No, because then you want to upgrade the appliances? After you upgrade? No, because then you want to have kids. After kids? No, because then you want to raise them right and put them through college...

And the list goes on.

Goals aren't a bad thing. But I think we, as a society, really need to get our story strait. It isn't about the end result, it is about the journey. I usually HATE when people say that. I hate it because often times it comes from a person who has no direction in life and is just looking for an excuse to be lazy, haha. But you can have goals and still enjoy the journey. I guess what I'm getting at is you don't set goals for the end result, you set them, from the beginning, because you want to experience that journey.

Let me repeat that again, because it just really sunk in for me:

You don't set goals for the end result, you set them, from the beginning, because you want to experience that journey.

I want to experience the journey of weight loss and getting healthy.

So let's address something else....when do you ever associated experiences, journeys, positive things with losing something. Yep, pretty much NEVER. You GAIN something when you on on a journey or have a positive experience. We are constantly saying we are on a Weight Loss Journey. If you really think about it, it is such a contradictory way of saying what I'm after.

What am I REALLY after? We should say things like;

A Health Crusade, a Life Journey, an Exercise Immersion, an Athletic Adventure, an Experience Extravaganza!

NOW we're talking! THOSE terms get me pumped. Screw this weight loss journey bull crap!!

Okay, I know I've gone on an on, so let me return to my Title and original points.

I weighed in today.

Did I just hear a crowd in the distance booing? Honestly, that is what I heard in my head.

Guess what the scale said?

ZERO

Well that is what it said after I calculated a simple equation in my head:

What I Weighed Today - What I Weighed Today = ZERO

I know you might be thinking I'm crazy, but trust me on this. You must not have read the instructions on your scale correctly if you are getting a number like 250. That is so wrong. Because this is what you are supposed to do.

You take the number of your original weigh in. Every time you weigh in you SUBTRACT the new weigh in number. Today I got ZERO because it was my first weigh in, but next we it might be 1, 2, 3.

These numbers are a lot less scary then seeing 229 or 331.

And they are positives. Not negatives, like "I lost 5 pounds"...No I want to gain five pounds of experiences!

I have decided to go on a journey to 20. Just like I am journeying from Houston to New Orleans on my ticker over to the right which I am loving. Even if some days I only add a mile, it is neat to see me GOING somewhere! I am going to journey from ZERO (today's number) to 20. There will be another goal after that. There always is. But right now I just want to get to 20.

This number will not define me.
I don't really care when I get to it.
Might not be until this time next year.
But I'm going on a journey to 20.
20 great experiences!
20 Life lessons!
20 GAINS!

Okay, you probably think I'm crazy now. But thanks for reading :)

Thankful Tuesday

I hope Kym from http://runkymklass.blogspot.com/ doesn't mind that I stole her idea for thankful tuesday :)

I'm thankful for...

Aaron.
His hugs, especially the ones I don't expect.
When he says nice things like, "I'm so happy I get to be with you."
When he kisses me softly.
When he kisses me passionately.
When he smiles at me.
When he laughs at something I say.
When he touches my cheeks.

My dogs, Rex & Reeses.
When Rex wiggles at me and his eyes get all big.
When Reeses jumps on me and wags her tail.
When Rex curls up next to me when I'm reading a book.
When Reeses randomly decides to jump on my lap.
When they both make a little kid happy when they get to pet them.

My Job.
When I get paid :)
When everyone is out for the day.
When I get to use the computer to read blogs!

My friends.
When they make me laugh.
When they encourage me.
When they share silly things that make them happy with me.

Cycling.
When the cool breeze wipes the sweat away.
On a down hill, that isn't too steep.
When I push even if I keep thinking I can't do it.

Running.
When it suddenly doesn't hurt.

Swimming.
When the water smells like summertime in junior high school.
When I get so hungry after wards and eat a sandwich & chips.

My Family.
When we reminisce.
When they support me.
When we laugh.

I forget just how many things I'm thankful for sometimes.

Thanks for reading :)

Share the F#&*@!* Road!

What would you think if you pulled up to a school bus, the lights are flashing, the traffic stops..and then the kids are safely able to walk across the street.

Now imagine one driver gets pissed, starts honking at the kids, yelling at them, even drives by and swerves at them!!

What would you think?

A-hole right?!

I agree. But let's face it. School bus stops are inconveniencing. I certainly sit there slightly annoyed, sometimes I tap my fingers impatiently. But, in the end, I realize we all have to help each other out, keep each other safe, and the slight inconvenience I experience when waiting on those kids is not that important.

I'm not really writing about school bus stops. I really want to talk about the need for motorists to safely and considerately share the road with cyclists (just like they share it with school buses and other vehicles).

I have been commuting to work on my bike for the last week. I know that I have not encountered everything possible, but I have seen enough to feel like I am justified in writing a post about. On average I get honked at twice a day, I get swerved at once, and today I got yelled at for the first time by some guy who took the time to roll down his window and say "Hey stupid!"

The point is...

I know I might be a slight inconvenience when you have to slow down to 15mph.
I know you wish I would hug the curb so you could pass in the same lane as me.
I know you'd like to honk to say "Hey, you! I'm a car and you're not!"

But, I'm just trying to ride safely. I'm just trying to be healthy. And I have a right to be on the road because a bicycle is a vehicle too.

So please stop honking!! Please stop swerving! And if you are going to shout something at me, please come up with something more witty than "Hey Stupid!"

Instead of getting angry, why don't you smile, slow down, and give me a thumbs up. Because I'm huffing and puffing, trying to get out of your way. And it would be nice to actually get encouraged for once.

Thanks for reading and please, SHARE THE ROAD :)

(I'd like to note, that I always try to abide by the laws when I cycle and be courteous. I know that some cyclists out there do not. Please don't judge all of the rest of us by their actions.)

Hot 100 Update, Clipless Peddles, and $$$

Well, this week is almost over, like it will be in a matter of hours, and I still haven't done my Hot 100 Update. Sigh, guess I should fess up to a couple of things.

I have not done any situps.

:(

I also had to stop my 21 day challenge. Even though this wasn't a part of my Hot 100 goals, it is still a bummer. It got too expensive, and I ran out of money. Good thing is? I went to wal-mart this morning and got breakfast/lunch/dinner for this WHOLE week! And it is all pretty darn healthy :) I'm pretty excited.

One good thing that I HAVE been doing for the Hot 100 Update...My mileage!! Thus far I have traveled 72.7 miles since we started the Hot 100 Challenge! That leaves me 276.3 miles to go from Houston to New Orleans. Basically I'm between Winnie, Texas and Beaumont, LA. At this pace I might need to lengthen my goal a bit, but we'll see.

So, even though a couple of things have gone wrong, I'm feeling pretty good over all.

Today I did 33.2 of those 72.7 miles on my road bike with my new clipless peddles!! In case you don't know what clipless peddles are...well, it is kind of confusing to me, because to me they DO clip, they aren't clipless! They are peddles that allow you to clip in these special kind of shoes into. This helps with a lot of stuff, especially getting a good spin on and being able to work the whole rotation of the peddle. Not just the down stroke. With clipless peddles you can pull up too, so yeh, a lot more potential for speed.

Problem w/these peddles is when you want to stop....well, you have to unclip them by twisting your foot. This takes, well, a little getting used to. And of course, you are eventually going to fall. The sucky thing is you don't fall when you are going fast, or doing something cool. You fall when you are stopping or trying to start. And OF COURSE, I had my first fall...at a VERY BUSY intersection! With a car stopped right behind me. Lol, it was very embarrassing, as my friend Helen will tell you who was there with me. But, I got that over with. And hopefully I won't have to repeat it...although I do have a really cool scrape on my knee that makes me look like a real ruffian.

So yeh, was a g

reat ride. Evan did two pretty big bridges! I was really proud of myself.

Now, the $$$ in the title of this blog in fact means money. Aaron and I sold our house, and we moved into an apartment. Not because we couldn't afford a house, but because we just wanted to have more spending $$$. And I have to tell you, this is AWESOME! And what is REALLY weird...is I am gradually losing the urge (at least so far) to overeat. I have been ordering the healthier more expensive things at restaurants, I bought expensive healthy groceries, I bought expensive workout clothes and clipless peddles! ((I do feel I should clarify that it wasn't until this last Friday that the $$$ started to roll in. The 21 Day challenge had been put on hold before that.)) Anyway, point is, I think one of the #1 reason I am obese is because I grew up poor. I'm not trying to make excuses. I could make the decision to eat less, but it is more difficult. But this weekend I turned down PANDA EXPRESS (OMG)...because, meh, I can get that any time. I have $$$. I'll go home and eat.

Yeh, like, crazy right? :)

Thanks for reading!

MS150 - 182 Days & Counting

It's almost that time again! Time for the BP MS150!! I'm very excited because this year I'm going to:

• Start Training Earlier (This Sunday in fact)
  
• Train More!
• Do as many of the recommended training rides as possible because I actually have $$$ to do them!
• Get clipless peddles...getting these tomorrow, yikes!
• Be on the St. Arnold's Brewery Team! Which I signed up for today!!!
• Meet my husband at the finish line! He didn't get to make it last year, but this year I already got a hotel so we can party it up that night!
• I'm going to LOOOONG route this year! Oh yeh baby! That's 99.56 miles the first day and 74.1 miles the second day! Totally: 173.66 miles!! (okay getting a little less excited after typing that, lol)
  

So yeh, I'm really excited!!! If you are in Texas you should totally do it toooooo!! (Hint, hint Melting Candy.)

More to come!

Recap of the 2010 BP MS 150

To Expose or Not to Expose?

Have you heard of the Exposed movement? It is where you take a picture of yourself in underwear or other revealing clothing, and you basically tag your body up with positive things. I've seen a lot of people posting these pictures up on their blogs lately. I think it is awesome, very cool, and very empowering. So, of course, I want to do it.

But there is a problem.

You are probably thinking the problem is embarrassment. It isn't that I'm embarrassed to bare it all on the internet, even though I am in many ways. I can overcome that.

The problem is; I was thinking of this picture and I was trying to think of what I could say about all these body parts, good things to say...and other than my thighs...I can't think of a single thing.

That is the problem. Not my body, but my perspective of my body. I should be able to think of good things about the parts of me. But I can't, I simply can't.

But I'm going to change that. I want to learn to love my body, mainly these parts:

My thighs
My hips
My stomach
My arms
My shoulders

And I make this promise to my blog and my readers.
On 1/1/2011 I will expose myself to the world,
and by that date I will think of reasons to love the above parts of me,
and more!

Are you ready to expose yourself?

If not..maybe you should start thinking about why.

What is Best in Life?

What is best in life?

Well, to me;

To feel the cool breeze in your face when riding a bike. Hugs in a freshly made bed, either with Aaron or my boxer :) And delicious food that comes without guilt.

I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about weight loss. I'm tired of feeling stressed about it. My #1 goal is to enjoy life. And I just can't when I constantly feel guilty. What drives me in this desire to be skinny? Why am I obsessed with it? So much that if I fail at a diet and then I binge?

What is best in life?

Training, I like training. I like riding my bike, I like swimming, and I actually enjoy run/walking. I really do enjoy these things.

Food, I enjoy food. I enjoy healthy food more than anything. I enjoy sodas with real sugar. I like fruit and vegetables.

I like feeling healthy and feeling good about myself.

I didn't lose much weight this year. That is the simple fact of the matter. But for the first 6 months of the year I felt GREAT about myself! I felt pretty, athletic, healthy, sexy even! When did I lose sight of that I can feel that way without being skinny???

I'm not saying that I don't want to lose weight. I do. But my main motivation behind wanting to lose weight is WRONG. I want ATTENTION. This is a reoccurring theme isn't it? I am always seeking affirmation and other people's approval. Oh man, it feels SOOO good when people compliment me about losing weight. I crave it. But if no one says anything, then I give up. Or if someone else is losing more weight than I am, and they get the compliments...man, I get SO jealous. I get so jealous that I give up and binge.

Basically, this is a chart of my motivations for losing weight:

I don't want to be that person. I don't want to lose weight to get attention. I want to be the person that loses weight because they are living a lifestyle where the weight goes away on its own. A lifestyle where I'm training and not stressing and sleeping. And not binging, since I'm not constantly forcing myself to adhere to a diet and failing. And eating healthy just because that food makes me happy and makes me feel good.

I am putting on the brakes.
I can't do this anymore.
I have to stop dieting.
I have to stop trying to lose weight.

I feel like this is really against the flow of most people's mindsets. And I'm not saying those people are wrong. It works for a lot of people. But I am beginning to realize that I am a very selfish and conceited person. It is not the person I want to be in life.

So, after that loooong winded thought process I'll conclude like this.

If you are reading this, tell me, What is Best in Life?